p? Dog would.

Why are artists like washerwomen? Because they are not satisfied
until their works are "hung on the line."

Why is a man who never lays a wager as bad as a regular gambler?
Because he is no better (bettor).

Why does the conductor cut a hole in your railroad ticket? To let you
pass through.

Why should a man troubled with gout make his will? Because he will
then have his leg at ease (legatees).

What is that which no one wishes to have, yet no one wishes to lose?
A bald head.

Why are fixed stars like wicked old men? Because they sin-till-late
(scintillate).

Why are very old people necessarily prolix and tedious? Because they
die late (dilate).

A lady asked a gentleman how old he was. He answered, "My age is what
you do in everything--excel (XL)."

Why is a mirror like a dissatisfied and ungrateful friend? Because,
though you may positively load its back with silver, it will reflect
on you.

Why is a butler like a mountain? Because he looks down on the valley
(valet).

What is that which the fox has and the hare most wants? A brush.

What is the best way to keep a man's love? Not to return it.

Why is a wedding ring like eternity? Because it has no beginning and
no end.

Why does a young lady prefer her mother's fortune to her father's?
Because, though she likes patrimony, she still better likes
matrimony.

Why is a deceptive woman like a seamstress? Because she is not what
she seams (seems).

When does a man stand a good chance of being completely sewn up? When
he has a stitch in his side.

Why does a dressmaker never lose her hooks? Because she has an eye to
each of them.

What is the difference between a farmer and a seamstress? The farmer
gathers what he sows, while the seamstress sews what she gathers.

If we were going to kill a conversational goose, what vegetable would
she allude to? Ah!-spare-a-goose! (asparagus).

What is the best thing to do to enjoy the happiness of courting? To
get a little gal-an'-try (gallantry).

How is it that the affections of young ladies, notwithstanding that
they may protest and vow constancy, are always doubtful? Because they
are only miss givings (misgivings).

Why may a beggar wear a very short coat? Because it will be long
enough before he gets another.

What part of a lion is a new-born infant like? His tail, because it
was never seen before.

Why can you never expect a fishmonger to be generous? Because his
business makes hi