home found he had three;
how was this? He had two--and one smelt.

If the poker, shovel, and tongs cost five dollars, what would a ton
of coal come to? To ashes.

Why is a blacksmith the most dissatisfied of all mechanics? Because
he's always on the strike for wages.

Why is selling off bankrupt goods like preparing a dish of soup?
Because it is a liquidation of stock.

Why is a wide-awake so called? Because it never had a nap, and never
wants one.

What is the difference between a young lady and a wide-awake hat? One
has feeling, the other is felt.

What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing street cars.

What is the oldest lunatic on record? Time out of mind.

How can you make one pound of green tea go as far as five pounds of
black? Buy the above quantities in Boston, and send them down to New
York.

Why is a patent safety Hansom cab a dangerous carriage to drive in?
Because the cabman always drives over your head.

Why is whispering in company like a forged bank note? Because it is
uttered but not allowed.

Which constellation resembles an empty fireplace? The Great Bear.

What is the last remedy for a smoky chimney? Putting the fire out.

Why is a clever wit like a chemist? Because he has many a good
retort.

Why is a bankrupt husband an ardent lover? Because his is unremitting
affection.

What is the difference between a spendthrift and a feather bed? One
is hard up and the other soft down.

What comes after cheese? Mouse.

Why is a mouse entering a mouse trap like a diplomat arguing his
policy? Because each has a well-defined end in view.

When may a man be said to breakfast before he gets up? When he takes
a roll in bed.

When are volunteers not volunteers? When they are mustered (mustard).

Which is the merriest sauce? Caper sauce.

Why is a cat going up three pairs of stairs like a high hill? Because
she's a-mounting (a mountain).

Why is a lead pencil like a perverse child? Because it never does
write (right) by itself.

Why are wooden ships, as compared with ironclads, of the female sex?
Because they are the weaker vessels.

At what time of life may a man be said to belong to the vegetable
kingdom? When long experience has made him sage.

When is a sailor not a sailor? When he is aloft.

What wild animals may be correctly shut up in one enclosure? Twelve
ounces in one pound.

What makes a pair of boots? Two boots.

What tree is of the greatest importance in hist