s? Because then you are sure
to be run over by carriages and automobiles.

Why is it not flattery to tell an old lady that she is "as beautiful
as an angel?" Because, if we believe what we read, the angels must be
very ancient.

What is the superlative of temper? Tempest.

On what day of the year do women talk least? On the shortest day.

What sort of a musical instrument resembles a bad hotel? A vile-inn.

What is it which every one wishes for, and yet wants to get rid of as
soon as it is obtained? A good appetite.

If a spider were late to dinner, what would he do? Take a fly.

Name the most unsociable things in the world? Milestones; for you
never see two of them together.

Why is swearing like an old coat? Because it is a bad habit.

Suppose you were to bore a hole exactly through the earth, starting
from New York, and you went in at this end, where would you come out?
Out of the hole.

What is the difference between a Roman Catholic priest and a Baptist?
One uses wax candles and the other dips.

Why, when you paint a man's portrait, may you be described as
stepping into his shoes? Because you make his feet-yours (features).

What is the very best and cheapest light, especially for painters?
Daylight.

Why is a marine painter like a large vessel? Because he draws so much
water.

Why is it extraordinary not to find a painter's studio as hot as an
oven? Because it is there that he makes his bread.

Where should you feel for the poor? In your pocket.

What is the best way of making a coat last? Make the trousers and
waistcoat first.

What animals are admitted at the opera? White kids.

With what two animals do you always go to bed? Two calves.

Why are the actions of men like great rivers? Because we see the
course that they take, but not the source whence they spring.

When is a young lady not a young lady? When she's a sweet tart
(sweetheart).

Which is better, getting the girl of your choice or a shoulder of
mutton? A shoulder of mutton; as nothing earthly can be better than
getting her you love, and a shoulder of mutton is much better than
nothing.

At what period in his sorrow does a widower recover from the loss of
his dear departed? When he re-wives (revives).

Why are policemen particularly required in a hop ground? Because
there are always so many people picking pockets there.

When is water most likely to escape? When it is only half-tide.

Plant a puppy, and what would come u