of bread to a locomotive? The mother--bread
being a necessity, a locomotive being an invention, and "Necessity is
the mother of invention."

What is more moist than a young lady with a waterfall on her head, a
cataract in her eye, a little lake on each cheek, high-tied shoes,
and a crick in her back? A young lady with a notion (an ocean) in her
head.

What is the best kind of agricultural fair? A farmer's very pretty
daughter.

Why is a photograph like a member of Congress? Because it's a
representative.

Why is a pelted actor like a pardoned criminal? Because he's glad to
get off.

When is a bank note like iron? When it is forged.

Why is the sun like a good loaf? It is light when it rises.

Why may a dyspeptic hope for a long life? He can't die just (digest)
now.

Why does a person who is ailing lose his sense of touch? Because he
does not feel well.

If you were to swallow a man, what sort of man would you prefer? A
little London porter.

Why should you never make love in the country? Because corn has
ears, potatoes eyes, and the beans talk.

Why is an aged man like a deserted house? His gait (gate) is broken,
and his locks are few.

What did a blind man take at breakfast which restored his sight? A
cup and saucer (saw, sir!).

Which is the laziest plant, and which the most active? The creeper
and the running vine.

Why is an autoist whose machine has been completely wrecked like a
reformed autoist? Because he has suddenly given up motoring.

What does a hen do when she stands on one foot? Lifts up the other.

Why should the largest tree be near a church? There should be no
bigger tree (bigotry) there.

Why is a stupid servant like a church bell? He has to be often told
(tolled).

Why are sailors in a leaky vessel like dancing masters? They depend
on their pumps.

Why does a duck go into water? For diver's (diverse) reasons.

Why does a duck come out of water? For sun-dry (sundry) reasons.

What is the difference between a duck with one wing and one with two?
Merely a difference of a pinion (opinion).

Why wasn't Peary buried in New York? He isn't dead yet.

When is the wind like a woodchopper? When it cuts.

What makes the ocean get angry? It has been crossed so often.

What is the characteristic of a watch? Modesty, as it keeps its hands
before its face, and runs down its own works.

When is a clock on the stairs dangerous? When it runs down.

Why is a girl like an arrow? Becau