would give you a company, a veiled
lady, and a noisy toy? Co-nun-drum.

Why is a mother rocking her child to sleep liable to arrest? Because
she is engaged in a kid-napping project.

What is the cheapest candy? Horehound, because the advertisements of
it read constantly, "Horehound drops 10 cents a lb."

Why does a rich lady act prudently by marrying a penniless man?
Because she husbands her resources.

Why should a straw hat never be raised to a lady? Because, no matter
how much you raise it, or how much she appreciates it, it is never
felt.

When is a wall like a fish? When it is scaled.

Why is it impossible for a swell who lisps to believe in the
existence of young ladies? Because he calls every Miss a Myth.

Why is a specimen of handwriting like a dead pig? Because it is done
with the pen.

Why are good intentions like fainting ladies? Because all they want
is carrying out.

What is it we all frequently say we will do and no one has ever yet
done? Stop a minute.

Why can't a thief easily steal a watch? Because he must take it off
its guard.

Why is a treadmill run by convicts like a true convert? Because its
turning is the result of conviction.

Why is the rumseller's trade a profitable one to follow? Because, by
conducting it with good spirits, he has more bar-gains than most
others, and all his drafts (draughts) are paid.

Why is the inside of everything mysterious? Because we can't make it
out.

What is that which a woman frequently gives her lovely countenance
to, yet never takes kindly? The small-pox.

Why is a bad gimlet like a prophesier of ill events? Because it is an
auger-ill.

What is the strongest day? Sunday, because all of the others are
"week" days.

What is the best way to make the hours go fast? Use the spur of the
moment.

Why is the proprietor of a balloon like a phantom? Because he's an
airy-naught (aeronaut).

Why is a fool in a high station like a man in a balloon? Because
everybody appears little to him, and he appears little to everybody.

Why is an old coat like iron? Because it is a specimen of hard-ware.

Why is a leaky barrel like a coward? Because it runs.

If a man attempts to jump a ditch and falls, why is he likely to miss
the beauties of summer? Because the fall follows right after the
spring, unless he makes a summerset between them.

What does an iron-clad vessel of war, with four inches of steel
plating and all its guns on board, weigh just before