starting on a
cruise? She weighs anchor.

Why is a washerwoman like Saturday? Because she brings in the close
(clothes) of the week.

When is it a good thing to lose your temper? When it is a bad one.

Why should a man never marry a woman named Ellen? Because he rings
his own (k)nell.

What is it which covers a multitude of sin(ner)s? The gravestone.

Why is a vessel being blown out to sea like a bankrupt householder?
Because both submit to a forced sail.

Why is a rooster on a fence like a penny? Because his head's on one
side and tail's on the other.

What is the military definition of a kiss? A report at headquarters.

Why are washerwomen foolish people? Because they put out their tubs
to catch soft water when it rains hard.

What is smaller than a mite's mouth? What goes into it.

Why is love always represented as a child? Because he never reaches
the age of discretion.

Why is a man hanged better than a vagabond? Because he has a visible
means of support.

What is the difference between photography and whooping-cough? The
one makes facsimiles, the other sick families.

Why is a dog like a man four feet ten inches tall? Because he stands
over four feet.

Why does the mayor order the saloons closed after a great fire? That
the people may not try to drown their losses.

What is it which more people lie under than upon? The gravestone.

What is it that opens to all comers, advertises only the doctors, and
yet is good for everything that ails you? The grave.

Why is a bride, weary of her apartment home, like a wrecked
automobile? They've both got flat tire.

Why is a gardener like a detective-story writer? Because he works up
his plot.

Why is a widower in love again like a good gardener? Because he
immediately removes his weeds.

Why can the weight of an illuminating argument never be accurately
determined? Because as the hearer weighs the words the scales fall
from his eyes.

How does the surgeon, whose bill for an operation has been delayed by
executors, resemble his deceased patient? He feels terribly cut up.

How does the cavalryman whose horse has thrown him differ from the
faithful orderly? He obeys orders from hind quarters, while the
orderly obeys orders from headquarters.

What is the best place to sow wild oats? Near a bank.

Why is a conductor on a car like a firefly? Because he can make you
a-light.

Why is an automobilist who exceeds the speed limit like a social
reproba