wagon.

ACROBAT. A fellow of infinite chest.

ACCUMULATE. To collect or bring together. For example: "He borrowed two
dollars from his wife, whereupon he went out and _accumulated_ a
bunch of boozerine." (Carlyle's Heroes and Hero Worship.)

[Illustration]

A THING OF BEAUTY. A joy forever until we get used to it.

ALCOHOL. The forefather of a hold-over. Boozerine, in the raw state.
From the Latin words _alco_ and _haul_, meaning "he is soused
to the booby hatches, _haul_ him to the _alcove_." (See Lord
Macaulay's Jags of Ancient Rome.)

AMBITION. The only disease which laziness can cure.

AMUSEMENT. The hard work a man does on the golf links to give himself an
appetite for sausage links.

ANGEL. Something behind a show--and always something behind.

APE. To imitate. For instance: The man who imitates his betters is the
easiest man to make a monkey of.

APPLAUSE. The fuss which we think the world ought to make over us for
doing our duty.

AUTOMOBILE. A horseless idea which makes people go fast and the money go
faster. A tide in the affairs of man which, taken between the shoulder
blades and the curbstone, leads on to the hospital.

AXE-GRINDING. The art practiced by those who give you a cookie so they
can touch you for a barrel of flour. The axe-grinding industry had its
origin in the Garden of Eden. The Serpent was extremely partial to
Autumn, so he gave Eve a nice red apple, and in exchange she gave the
Serpent an early Fall. (See Lord Macaulay, page 34.)

[Illustration]

AIRSHIP. A machine invented for the purpose of flying through the
newspapers.

* * * * *

See M. Santos Dumont. In case he isn't in when you call a part of his
autobiography is printed herewith: "My first yearning," writes M.
Santos--see page 97--"was for an opportunity to rise in the world.

"When but a little boy my dearest wish was to get up to the top of the
ladder and then have someone remove the ladder. If I stayed up I knew I
was successful. If I came down I didn't know anything for a week or
two."

The reader will notice a peculiarity about this gentleman's name. It
starts off with "M" and then there is eight bars rest until it comes to
Santos. This is a French custom. Every man in France begins his first
name with "M" and then refuses to tell the rest of it. It seems such a
stingy habit.

Let us quote more from M. Dumont's own story:

"My first desire to get off the earth happened whi