use this country is young and impulsive.

The germs in the street cars are extremely sociable and will often
follow a stranger all the way home.

Often while riding in the street cars I have felt a germ rubbing against
my ankle like a kitten, but being a gentleman, I did not reach down and
kick it away because the law says we must not be disrespectful to the
dumb brutes of the field.

Many of our street cars are made out of the same idea as a can of
condensed milk.

The only difference is that the street cars have a sour taste like a
lemon squeezer.

When you get out you cannot get in and when you get in you cannot get
out because you hate to disturb the strange gentleman that is using your
knee to lean over.

[Illustration]

Between the seats there is a space of two feet, but in that space you
will always find four feet and their owners, unless one of them happens
to have a wooden leg. Under ordinary circumstances four into two won't
go, but the sardine-cars defy the laws of gravitation.

A sardine-car conductor can put twenty-six into nine and still have four
to carry.

The idea of expansion which is now used by our Congress was suggested by
one of these sardine-cars.

The ladies of America have started a rebellion against the sardine-cars,
but every time they start it the conductor pulls the bell and leaves the
rebellious standing on the corner.

We are a very nervous and careless people in America. To prove how
careless we are I will cite the fact that Manhattan Island is called
after a cocktail.

This nervousness is our undoing because we are always in such a hurry to
get somewhere that we would rather take the first car and get squeezed
into breathlessness than wait for the next which would likely squeeze us
into insensibility.

Breathlessness can be cured, but insensibility is dangerous without an
alarm clock.

For a man with a small dining-room the sardine-car has its advantages,
but when a stout man rides in them he finds himself supporting a lot of
strangers he never met before.

One morning I jumped on one of those sardine-cars feeling just like a
two-year-old, full of health and happiness.

During the first seven blocks three men fresh from a distillery grew up
in front of me and removed the scenery.

One of them had to get out in a hurry so he kicked me on the shins to
show how sorry he was to leave me.

One of the other two must have been in the distillery a long time
because pret