through the world like a lot of automobiles,
with rubberneck tires and gasoline in their garrets, and noise, noise,
noise.

[Illustration: "W--Smile, please!"]

When a man is his own worst enemy the fight is always to a finish.

Whiskey is the name of the photographer that can make a high-priced man
look like 30 cents.

When a man sits around waiting for something to turn up Fortune always
turns him down.

When a man is anxious to keep your secret keep him anxious.

* * * * *

###
W: The twenty-third letter of the alphabet, which wasn't treated very
well in the matter of a name.
###

* * * * *

WAD. A roll of bills with a rubber band around it. This is a wonderful
weapon in the hands of a steady spender.

WAR. An excuse for talking about the dove of peace.

[Illustration]

WEALTH. To have money enough to support an automobile that goes the pace
that kills.

WEATHER MAN. A machine disguised as a human being who tries to play
tiddlewinks with the weather. He tells the weather what to do, and the
weather does as it pleases. A machine which says, "Cooler to-morrow,
with westerly winds," but means something different. The idea comes from
the Latin words "_Guessa Gain_," which mean, "I am paid to tell the
truth, but I don't need the money."

WHISKEY. Old Mother Misery's dare-devil son.

WORRY. A lot of unwelcome thoughts which refuse to remain unthinkable.

[Illustration: "X--The Old School."]

Xperience is the name of the concern which opened the first night
school.

Xplanations quite often are old-fashioned lies disguised in good
fashion.

Xpostulation often leads to the ambulance.

Xperience teaches some people to go and do the same fool thing over
again.

* * * * *

###
X: The twenty-fourth letter of the alphabet. It was so late getting in
that very few words are fastened to it.
###

* * * * *

X. That ten dollars you loaned some time ago.

XTRACTOR. The fellow you loaned it to.

[Illustration]

XCITEMENT. What happened when you tried to get it back.

X-RAYS. A machine you'll have to use to find your X.

[Illustration: "Y--Men have been known to Listen."]

You shouldn't look a gift automobile in the price tag.

Yea, verily, a first-class listener is a woman's best friend.

Yes, and if it were not for the fools in this world t