he poor would never
get rich.

You may take my word for it, that whatever a man hopes to be he will be,
unless he gets on the wrong car.

* * * * *

###
Y: The twenty-fifth letter of the alphabet, which is of a bibulous
nature because it's always in rye. (Mercy!)
###

* * * * *

YAP. The real thing on the farm, but an awful thing on Broadway.

YACHT. A device which eats up money and yells for more.

[Illustration]

YOKE. The way a Swede says joke.

YESTERDAY. The day upon which our ship should have arrived.

[Illustration: "Z--Falling Out of Love."]

Zum men fall in love and get out of it by marrying the girl.

Zum men tell themselves a lie just to fool their conscience.

Zumhow or other a ticklish situation never gets a laugh from the parties
concerned.

Zum say that money isn't everything in this world, but it takes a man
with money to believe it.

* * * * *

###
Z: The twenty-sixth and last letter of the alphabet, and I'm glad of it.
###

* * * * *

ZEAL. The ardor with which we manage other people's affairs.

ZEBRA. An animal used principally to illustrate the letter Z.

ZERO. The place where the cold waves come from.

ZIP. The same as _Zow_.

ZOW. The same as _Zip_.

ZOO. A garden scented by wild animals.

[Illustration]

ZABO. A contraction of Gonzabo, which means a Fiff.

APPENDIX.

(This part of the book may be cut out.)

AUTOMOBILES.

A Few Rules of the Road Which, It Is Hoped, Will Speedily Be Adopted By
All Automobile Societies.

The automobile is the rich man's liquor and the poor man's chaser.

It keeps our streets full of red, white and blue streaks all the
livelong day, and if the weary pedestrian is not supplied with a
ball-bearing neck his chance of getting home is null and void.

Probably the safest part about the machinery of an automobile is the
_Chauffeur_, because he knows which way to jump out.

_Chauffeur_ is the name of the man who points the machine at you
and dares you to get out of the way.

We have no word in the English language brave enough to ride on a
horseless wagon when it goes real fast.

That is why we had to reach over to Paris and pull a word out of the
French.

_Chauffeur_ was the first word we grabbed, and I think we should
give it back at the first opportunity.

The first Careless C