you from all
quarters, and will stamp you as a gentleman of the aber-nit style of
architecture.

Don't pay any attention to the uneasiness displayed by those about you
who came out for the selfish purpose of enjoying the game. If they
cannot enjoy you and your lung-power exhibit, they should stay at home.
Keep right on utilizing your vocal chords. Chatter on incessantly. Be a
consistent ass until the last man is out and the umpire crawls into his
cyclone cellar. Then go home and bathe what's left of your voice in
witch hazel, and get ready for the morrow.

BURSTS OF CONFIDENCE.

A trouble-hunter always makes a success of his job.

The girl who hesitates is left at the hitching post.

The world has a poor memory for many who believe themselves famous.

The wise man saves up for a rainy day, and always stays in the house
when it storms.

It keeps many a good man down to keep up appearances.

Some men are like a phonograph--they talk when you start them, but they
have no originality.

THE POOR MAN'S COOK BOOK.

(Presented by the President of the Food Trust.)

This Cook Book was invented by the President of the Food Trust with the
hope that the poor man will find therein much to comfort him since meat
and other luxuries have gone out of his life, because the Trust needs
the money.

The beauty about the dishes mentioned here is their cheapness. Let us
begin with the soup:

MOCK CHICKEN SOUP.--Take a piece of white paper and a lead pencil and
draw from memory the outlines of a hen. Then carefully remove the
feathers. Pour one gallon of boiling water into a saucepan and sprinkle
a pinch of salt on the hen's tail. Now let it simper. If the soup has a
blonde appearance stir it with a lead pencil which will make it more of
a brunette. Let it boil two hours. Then coax the hen away from the
saucepan and serve the soup hot, with a glass of ice-water on the side.

BEEF TEA.--Take the white of an egg and beat it without mercy. When it
is insensible put it in the teapot and add enough boiling water to drown
it. Let it drown about twenty minutes. Then lead the yolk of the egg
over to the teapot and push it in. Season with a small pinch of tobasco
and let it simper. Serve hot and always be sure to put a piece of lemon
in the finger bowl.

MOCK BEEFSTEAK.--Carefully remove the laces from one shoe and put them
away, because they can be used for shoe-string potatoes just as soon
as the Potato Trust gets