a
hurry. The place where a man finds his head when he loses it.

TROUBLE HUNTER. A man who always comes home with a game-bag full.

TRUTH. The kind words our enemies say about us. Something which never
figures in politics because it forgets to register.

[Illustration: "U--Both Ends."]

Undoubtedly the man that burns the candle at both ends is light-headed.

Usually you'll find that self-made men spend the rest of their lives
talking about home industry.

Uneasy looks the face that wears a frown.

Unfortunately, many a Prince of Good Fellows loses his title when his
pocketbook runs dry.

* * * * *

###
U: The twenty-first letter of the alphabet, about which there is some
scandal because it is always tagging after Q.
###

* * * * *

[Illustration]

UMPIRE. A guessing machine used and abused in and about a baseball game.

UNHAPPY. The man who knows it all with nobody to tell it to.

UNSELFISHNESS. To be able to read of a neighbor's success without
reaching for the harpoon. A man who will give his last cigar to a
stranger and then go home and kick his wife on the shins because she
spent forty cents for baby's new shoes.

UNDERTAKER. A man who gets the laugh on those who take life as a joke.

[Illustration: "V--Ideas Expressed."]

Vanity is the raw material from which hot air is manufactured.

Victors get the spoils, but the spoils generally spoil the victors.

Very true is it that the man without ideas always expresses them.

Valuable time is often wasted by men of little value.

* * * * *

###
V: The twenty-second letter of the alphabet, used as a pet name for
a five-dollar bill.
###

* * * * *

VACATION. The time of the year which a young man looks forward to with
his hand on his heart; goes through with his hand on his pocketbook, and
looks back on with both hands on his head and no skin on his nose.

VACANT. The top story of a snob.

[Illustration]

VANITY. The name of the machinery that makes our swelled heads.

VERSATILITY. The ability of a woman to wear a tight shoe and a loose
smile at the same time.

VICE VERSA. To sleep with one's head at the foot of the bed and one's
feet at the head of the bed. See _Jag_ and _Soused_.

VIRTUE. Its own reward, but many people don't care to handle such a
small amount.

VULGARIANS. People who go