ty soon he neglected to use his memory and sat down in my
lap.

When I remonstrated with him he replied that this is a free country and
if he wished to sit down I had no business to stop him.

Then his friend pulled us apart and I resumed the use of my lap.

During the next twenty blocks I had one of the worst daylight nightmares
I ever rode behind.

The party which had been studying the exhibits in the distillery got the
idea in his head that my foot was the loud pedal on a piano and he
started to play the overture from _William Tell_ until I yelled
"W'at'ell!"

That man was such a hard drinker that he gave me the gout just from
standing on my feet.

Then I jumped off and swore off and swore at and walked home.

If the man who invented the idea of standing up between the seats in a
sardine-car is alive he should have a monument.

My idea would be to catch him alive and place the monument on him and
have the conductor come around every ten minutes for his fare.

Then the punishment would have a fit like the crime.

[Illustration: "T--Blue sky of a Greenish Hue."]

The man with plenty of money has friends to burn and when he goes broke
he finds he has burned most of them.

The sky always looks blue when we look at it through a roll of bills.

The mud slinger never has clean hands.

The way of the transgressor is hard on his family.

* * * * *

###
T: The twentieth letter of the alphabet, so called because the author
of the alphabet always drank coffee.
###

* * * * *

TABLE. A wooden arrangement covered with green cloth around which
certain parties gather for the purpose of taking each other's money. See
_gambling_. You might, incidentally, see the police if they don't
see you first.

TACT. The art of knowing just when to laugh at a rich man's joke.

TALENT. The ability to know how to keep still at the right moment.

TEMPER. Something you should keep, otherwise the man you show it to may
hand it back to you with a short-arm jab.

TEMPTATION. The banana peel in a man's brain that causes him to slip.

THE LAUGH. Something which should always be on the other fellow.

TO-MORROW. The only day in the year that appeals to a lazy man.

THERMOMETER. A machine invented by a drugstore proprietor for the
purpose of driving humanity to drink.

[Illustration]

TROUBLE. The only thing which a man borrows and wants to pay back in