gain to quench their thirst.

BEETHOVEN'S SONATA. An excuse some women use for beating the face off a
piano.

BIGAMIST. A man that adds one and has two to carry.

BLONDE. An abbreviation of peroxide of hydrogen.

BREEZE. A condition in the atmosphere which generally arises on a cold
day, to make it colder and stays away on a hot day to make it warmer.

It is supposed to inhabit the windows, but when you look for it on a
Summer night all you can see is the "gent" next door chaperoning the
growler.

BUNDLE. A load of preserves. From the Norwegian _bun_, meaning high
tide. "Yesterday he annexed a _bundle_ and this morning he sits on
the front steps singing soft lullabies to a hold-over." (Shakespeare,
page 18.)

[Illustration: "C--Coogan thinking about home."]

Charity begins at home and ruins its health by staying there too much.

Children who are wayward grow up to be the people who fall by the
wayside.

Coogan says there is no place like home--and he congratulates the other
places.

Consistency is a jewel, but it isn't fashionable to wear it.

* * * * *

###
C: The third letter of the alphabet. It is also used in music,
especially by _prima donnas_ who try to reach it and fall flat.
###

* * * * *

CAB. A machine invented for the purpose of going somewhere, but which
seldom gets there. An inland tugboat.

[Illustration]

CAD. A shine with an extra polish on.

CALAMITY. A loud-mouthed individual who insists upon telling stale
jokes.

CASH. The stuff we work for, work other people for and are worked for.
Synonyms: Bones, Cash, Coin, Dough, Ducats, Long-green, Mazuma, and
1,000 others.

CHARITY. Something which begins at home and stays at home every day
except Sunday, when it goes to church to talk about itself.

CINCH. When a man starts out with a bundle of money and a bundle of
booze it's a cinch that he drops the money first.

COLD FEET. A punishment for those that stand around and wait for dead
men's shoes.

COMPLIMENTS. Things which some people fish for hard enough to catch a
sea-serpent.

CONFIDENCE MAN. The noblest work of fraud.

CONCLUSION. Something a woman jumps at in the same manner in which she
jumps off a street car--which is backwards.

CONSCIENCE. The alarm clock on a man's mind which is seldom wound up.

CONSISTENCY. A jewel which isn't appreciated as a Christmas present.

CONTENTMENT. A large,