o knows you are a liar, but hopes otherwise.

FRIENDSHIP. The name of the handle some people put on other people for
the purpose of using them.

[Illustration]

FOOTBALL. A system of manslaughter very fashionable with boys. From the
Latin words "footibus," meaning "_put the boots to him_," and
"balloona," meaning "up in the air, or, who hit me with a public
building?" A body of college students surrounded by ambulances. For
instance:

Sing a song of football
Pockets full of salve;
Four and twenty legs all
Punctured at the calve.
Captain in the hospital
Fullback in the soup,
Twenty-seven faces
Broken in the group.
Sophomores and Freshmen
Punched around the ring;
When the war was over
The boys began to sing!

Raw! Raw! Raw!
Raw! Raw! Raw!
Stew them!
Fry them!
Raw! Raw! Raw!
Oysters!

[Illustration: "G--The friends that Gold buys shake hands with two
fingers."]

Great oaths from little aching corns do grow.

Great minds run in the same channel--especially if they are sea
captains.

Gold is a dull metal, but it can cut friendship quicker than a knife.

Good names are better than great riches and that is why so many of us
have names without price.

* * * * *

###
G: The seventh letter of the alphabet. Used by the ancients as an
expression of surprise, thus: Hully Gee!
###

* * * * *

GAB. The product of a ball-bearing chin.

GAG. A joke rendered insensible by a third-rail comedian.

GAS. A substance we make light of until the bill comes in. _"You may
hide your light under a bushel, but you'll get a bill from the gas
company just the same_." (Shakespeare, page 9.)

GAS BILL. Something that comes in to put us out.

GAS METER. A bit of machinery invented by Ananias in order to please
Saphira and keep the household supplied with lies while the old man was
down in the grocery store.

GET-RICH-QUICK. An aquarium for suckers. A place where poor people go to
get poorer.

GEE-GEE. A horse by any other name will run as fast.

GENIAL. A guy that never was known to buy.

GENIUS. Something we have in _our_ family--if you don't believe me,
come and hear our little boy recite.

[Illustration]

GENT. Two-thirds of a gentleman.

GENTLEMAN. A title which many a man claims because the public hasn't
time to prove him otherwise.

GERM. See _microbes_. In order t