instance, if you
are in a runaway automobile, you are in _ecstasy_ until you hit a
telegraph pole; after that you're in a hospital.

EGOTIST. A man who uses his brain for the purpose of believing that he
is the greatest ever.

ELBOW. Something you give a man you don't like.

EASTER. A season of the year devoted to new bonnets, overcoatless young
men and pneumonia. A tide in the affairs of women which, taken at the
pocketbook, leads on to the milliners.

ELOPE. A hurried trip taken by two lovers for the purpose of wiring Papa
for funds to get home.

[Illustration]

ELOCUTION. A disease which breaks out among students, but which is fatal
only to the spectators.

EMPLOYER. A man who has a soft spot for a hard worker.

ENVY. The root of much criticism.

ECONOMY. A system practiced by some men which permits their wives to
wear last year's dresses so that they can buy better cigars.

EXPERIENCE. The best of all teachers, because it's impossible for the
scholar to run away from school.

[Illustration: "F--There's only one thing to do however."]

Fine feathers make fine birds take to the woods.

Failures made by other people pave the road to your Success.

Fortune wears rubber shoes and a feather pillow on each hand when she
knocks on your door.

Fair play is a jewel, but so many people can't afford jewelry.

* * * * *

###
F: The sixth letter of the alphabet. It is formed by the passage of the
breath between the lower lip and the upper incisive teeth, but that
doesn't seem to worry it any.
###

* * * * *

FABLE. The story a man thinks his wife believes--and she lets him think
it.

FAD. See hobby.

[Illustration]

FADE. To gradually disappear. For example: "I had ten plunks when I went
out last night, but they faded away." (Lord Palmerston, page 21.)

FAKE. Something we buy to make sure it isn't on the level.

FAITH. Something which is said to move mountains, but the railroad
contractors always mix in a little dynamite to help matters along.

FAULT. Something which is so easy to find, but it is so hard to give it
when we find it.

FAMILY. The only cure for race suicide.

FAVOR. Something we do for a friend so he can forget about it.

FLATTERER. A man who makes friends until he begins to talk about
himself.

FORGER. A man who tries to make a name for himself, but who picks out
the wrong name.

FRIEND. A man wh