e good
ship "Kaiser Wilhelm, the Grocer."

The Stars and Stripes seemed to wave a welcome to him as he approached
the hospitable shores of Fire Island.

"It is good, so good to breathe once more the air of Liberty!" said the
Secretary, and ten minutes later the "Kaiser Wilhelm, the Grocer" was at
her dock.

"Ah! how happy I am to be once more where Freedom reigns!" said the
Secretary as he walked proudly down the gangway plank.

"Wait!"

The speaker was a short-set man with a thick face and a wide voice.

The Secretary paled his cheeks.

"Who are you?"

"I am an American citizen; leave me pass!" exclaimed the Secretary.

"So am I," said the man with a thick face; "and nothing passes me. You
have been to Europe, have you not?"

"Do you think I used the 'Kaiser Wilhelm the Grocer' to come from Staten
Island?" asked the Secretary.

The man laughed, loosely.

"Swear!" he said.

"At you?" inquired the Secretary.

"Swear you are not a smuggler," said the roan.

"I ought to kick you for such an insult," said the Secretary.

"Business before pleasure," said the man; "swear that you are not a
robber."

"I swear," said the Secretary; "inwardly, outwardly, earnestly and
pictorially, I swear!"

"By the memory of George Washington you swear that you are not a
smugglesome man?"

"I do," said the Secretary.

"Hold up both hands and swear!"

The Secretary did so.

"With both hands behind your back and your eyes fixed on the Declaration
of Independence sign this sworn statement," said the man.

The Secretary did so.

"Now that you have sworn I will go through your trunks to see if you are
a liar!" said the man.

"Surely, you should receive one of my best kicks," said the Secretary.

"Formality first, fun later," said the man, upsetting the largest trunk.

"Aha! what is this?"

"It is a pair of open-work socks," said the Secretary.

"Opened in Europe--yes? Bad business! bad business! I begin to suspect
you. What is this?"

"That is a pipe which I bought in Baden-Baden," said the Secretary. "I
am taking it to my cousin in Springfield, Mass., for a souvenir."

"I will help your cousin to stop smoking," said the man, putting the
pipe in his pocket. "Aha! what is this?"

The Secretary blushed his face.

"What is this?"

"That is my pair of pajamas!" said the Secretary.

"Pajamas?"

"Put them back, please?" said the Secretary. "A man's pajamas are not
for the vulgar gaze of the world!"

"Pa