le I was extremely
young.

"One day while out in the Brazilian diamond fields picking the luscious
white stones from the trees it suddenly occurred to me what a frivolous
life I was leading.

"Diamonds, diamonds everywhere and not a place to pawn.

"I became restless.

"My father owned the diamond plantation so I went to him and explained
what a tired feeling I had, and how I longed to rise in the world.

"Father at once turned about fifteen volts into his right shoe and I
rose for a distance of four feet.

"I returned almost immediately, but this short flying trip made a deep
impression upon my mind, and otherwise.

"Ten years later I left home just to convince my father that I could
rise in the world without his kindly collaboration.

"One day while in New York I went up to the fifty-ninth floor of a
sky-remover building.

"The elevator was extremely nervous that day.

"While coming down I was pained and surprised to observe that my stomach
did not travel with me.

"I spoke to the _charge d'affaires_ of the elevator about it.

"I complained bitterly to him about such an inhuman invention which
rushed through space with a man's exterior and left his interior to bump
its way downstairs.

"The _charge d'affaires_ of the elevator told me if I did not like
it to get out and fly.

"That was the inspiration which drove me to build the flying machine.

"Two weeks later I went to Paris, because that is the flyest city in the
world."

[Illustration: "B--A Skin Game."]

Beauty is only a skin game after all.

Bad beginners make bad finishers.

Birds of a feather flock together on the theatre hats.

Be sure you're ahead--then go right.

* * * * *

###
B: The second letter of the alphabet. It is called a vocal labial
consonant, which, no doubt, serves it right.
###

* * * * *

BAA. To make a noise like a sheep.

BOW-WOW. To make a noise like a dog.

BIFF. To make a noise like a boxing glove.

[Illustration]

BAGGAGE. Two shirts, some underwear, one suit of clothes, six collars
and a hair brush which you lost somewhere between here and Chicago.

BAD ACTOR. A man who is egged on by ambition and egged off by the
audience.

BADINAGE. Light or playful discourse. For example. "Why does a chicken
cross the street? Because the butcher."

[Illustration]

BAR. A place where men go to get a thirst so that they can go there
a