ou don't go away I shall call a policeman."

The poor fellow looked up at her with a tear in his eye, and then
remarked:

"For goodness' sake, mum, have mercy and don't call a policeman, for
ye're the on'y shady spot in the park."

_Wanted to Make Her Happy_

In one of the many hospitals in the South a bright, busy-looking and
duty-loving woman hustled up to one of the wounded soldiers who lay
gazing at the ceiling above his cot. "Can't I do something for you,
my poor fellow?" said the woman imploringly. The "poor fellow" looked
up languidly. The only things he really wanted just at that time were
his discharge and a box of cigars. When he saw the strained and
anxious look on the good woman's face, however, he felt sorry for her,
and with perfect sang froid he replied: "Why, yes; you can wash my
face if you want to."

"I'd be only too glad to," gasped the visitor eagerly.

"All right," said the cavalier gallantly, "go ahead. It's been washed
twenty-one times already to-day, but I don't mind going through it
again if it'll make you any happier."

_Easy Enough_

A noted mathematician, considered by many a wonder, stopped at a hotel
in a small town in Missouri. As usual, in such places, there were a
number of drummers on hand; there was also a meeting of some medical
men at the place, who used the hotel as headquarters. One of the
doctors thought it would be quite a joke to tell the mathematician
that some of the M.D.'s had concluded to kidnap him and take out his
brains to learn how it was he was so good in mathematics. He was then
asked by them what he was going to do about it. He replied: "Why, I
shall simply go on without brains just as you doctors are doing."

_Not a Complaint at All_

The good priest had come to his parishioner after the funeral of the
latter's mother-in-law to express condolences.

"And what complaint was it, Pat," he asked sympathetically, "that
carried the old lady off?"

"Kumplaint, did yi ask, father?" answered Pat. "Thir wuz no kumplaint
from anybody. Everybody wuz satisfied."

_He Caught It, But_----

The ferry-dock was crowded with weary homegoers when through the crowd
rushed a man--hot, excited, laden to the chin with bundles of every
shape and size. He sprinted down the pier, his eyes fixed on a
ferryboat only two or three feet out from the pier. He paused but an
instant on the string-piece, and then, cheered on by the amused crowd,
he made a