sting pair of boots take for the sole the
tongue of a woman.'"

"Yes," replied the girl, "and for the uppers you ought to take the
cheek of the man who said it."

_Not Just the Right Place_

A bashful young couple, who were evidently very much in love, entered
a crowded street car.

"Do you suppose we can squeeze in here?" he asked, looking doubtfully
at her blushing face.

"Don't you think, dear, we had better wait until we get home?" was
the low, embarrassed reply.

_What Else Could He Be_?

There is a man who is the head of a large family, nearly every member
of which is a performer on some kind of musical instrument.

A friend who was visiting the house of this man referred to the fact,
remarking that it must be a source of great pleasure to the family,
but to this observation the father made no reply.

"Really," continued the friend, "it is remarkable. Your younger son
is a cornetist, both your daughters are pianists, your wife is a
violinist, and, I understand, the others are also musicians. Now
what are you, the father of such a musical combination ?"

"I," replied the old man sadly--"I am a pessimist."

_He Had to Stand Up_

An American doctor built an elegant home, says the "San Francisco
Chronicle"; his bathroom was exceptionally beautiful, being of white
marble with silver hardware; a music-box was concealed in the room.
After completion of the home an Englishman came to visit the doctor.
Now the English always show great respect for their sovereign and
their country, and this one was no exception.

After showing his home to the Englishman the doctor remembered the
fondness English people have for the bath, and escorted his guest to
the bathroom, and while there turned on the music-box, wishing to
give his guest a pleasant surprise as he bathed. Then he left his
friend in the bathroom.

About an hour later the Englishman joined his host in the
drawing-room. The doctor immediately asked what his guest thought of
the bathroom. The Englishman replied: "It is beautiful, beautiful."

"Well," said the doctor, "how did you like my music-box?"

Said his guest with great disgust in his tones:

"Bah! That music-box! The old thing played 'God Save the King,' and
I had to stand up the whole time I was trying to bathe."

_His Heartbreaking Task_

"Darling," said the bride, "I had a terrible feeling of sadness come
over me this afternoon--a sort of feeling that you were doing