m, and, leaving it in the dock, walked out.

_The Old Man Knew Best_

"I took three bottles of your medicine, and I feel like a new woman,"
read the testimonial. "John," she said in a shrill, piping voice, "I
think this is exactly what I need. I have been feeling bad for quite
a spell back, and the lady was symptomated just exactly as I feel. I
believe I will try three bottles and see if it will make a new woman
out of me."

"Not much, Maria," said John, with tremendous earnestness. "Not if I
know it. I don't mind spending three dollars on you if you feel bad,
but I ain't a-goin' to have you made into any of these here new
women, gaddin' about the city to women's clubs and savin' the country
that don't need savin'. You jest mix up some sulphur and molasses
and take it, and you will feel better, but don't let me hear no more
of this new-woman nonsense."

_Watch and Pray_

A pompous old Bishop was one morning breakfasting at a country inn
where it had been his lot to spend the night. As he approached the
table he found at his place a fine trout well cooked and tempting.
He closed his eyes to say his grace before meat, not noticing a
Quaker gentleman seated opposite, who, with a mischievous smile,
reached over quickly and scooped the fish over to his own plate.

Having finished his prayer the Bishop opened his eyes and prepared to
enjoy the trout, but to his surprise and dismay it had disappeared.

The jolly Quaker, eying the Bishop, at the same time demolishing the
trout, said with feigned solemnity:

"Bishop, thee must 'watch and pray'--'watch and pray.'"

_No Doubt About That_

The fresh spring breezes were blowing through the open windows of the
schoolroom, and George Washington was the momentous question in hand.

"Why do you think George Washington was the first man?" asked the
teacher.

"Because he was 'first in war, first in peace, and first in the
hearts of his countrymen.'"

Another boy then raised his hand.

"Well, Johnny, who do you think was the first man?" said the teacher.

"Don't know his name," answered Johnny, "but I know George Washington
was not the first man, 'cause my history says he married a widow, so
there must have been a man ahead of him."

_All's Fair in Love_

A poor couple went to the priest for marriage, and were met with a
demand for the marriage fee. It was not forthcoming. Both the
consenting parties were rich in love and in their prospects, b