"Really, friends, I am almost too wet to preach."

"Oh, never mind," replied one of his congregation; "you'll be dry
enough in the pulpit!"

_A "Billet-Doux"_

She was a winsome country lass,
So William on a brief vacation,
The time more pleasantly to pass,
Essayed flirtation.
And while they strolled in twilight dim,
As near the time for parting drew,
Asked if she would have from him
A "billet-doux."
Now this simple maid of French knew naught,
But doubting not 'twas something nice,
Shyly she lifted her pretty head,
Her rosy lips together drew, and coyly said,
"Yes, Billy--do,"
And William--did.

_When Pat Laughed Last_

A short time ago two Englishmen on a visit to Ireland hired a boat
for the purpose of having a sail.

One of the Britons, thinking he would have a good joke at Pat's
expense, asked him if he knew anything about astrology.

"Be jabers, no," said Pat.

"Then that's the best part of your life just lost," answered the
Englishman.

The second Englishman then asked Pat if he knew anything about
theology.

"Be jabers, no," answered Pat.

"Well," the second said, "I must say that's the very best part of
your life lost."

A few minutes later a sudden squall arose and the boat capsized. Pat
began to swim. The Britons, however, could not swim, and both called
loudly to Pat to help them.

"Do you know anything about swimology?" asked Pat.

"No," answered both Englishmen.

"Well, be jabers," replied Pat, "then both of your lives is lost!"

_Could Eat, but Couldn't See_

A farmer who went to a large city to see the sights engaged a room at
a hotel, and before retiring asked the clerk about the hours for
dining.

"We have breakfast from six to eleven, dinner from eleven to three,
and supper from three to eight," explained the clerk.

"Wa-al, say," inquired the farmer in surprise, "what time air I goin'
ter git ter see the town?"

_How She Got It_

A little girl was sent by her mother to the grocery store with a jug
for a quart of vinegar.

"But, mamma," said the little one, "I can't say that word."

"But you must try," said the mother, "for I must have vinegar and
there's no one else to send."

So the little girl went with the jug, and as she reached the counter
of the store she pulled the cork out of the jug with a pop, swung the
jug on the counter with a thud, and said to the astonished clerk:

"There! Smell of that and giv