e publisher, "did youse hang out this
here 'Boy Wanted' sign?"

"I did," replied the publisher sternly. "Why did you tear it down?"

Back of his freckles the youngster was gazing in wonder at the man's
stupidity.

"Hully gee!" he blurted. "Why, I'm the boy!"

And he was.

_No Wonder He Asked "Why?"_

Edward had just returned from foreign service, and his brow was
troubled.

"I gave you that parrot as a birthday present, did I not, Amelia?" he
asked.

"Yes; but surely, Teddy, you are not going to speak of your tokens as
if----"

"It was young and speechless at the time."

"Yes"--with increasing wonder--"and it has never been out of this
parlor."

"There are no other young ladies in this house?"

"No; there are not."

"Then why--why, when I k-kissed your photograph in yonder album,
while waiting for you, did that wretched bird imitate your voice and
say: 'Don't do that, Herbert, please don't!'"

_The Safest Place_

A city gentleman was recently invited down to the country for "a day
with the birds." His aim was not remarkable for its accuracy, to the
great disgust of the man in attendance, whose tip was generally
regulated by the size of the bag.

"Dear me!" at last exclaimed the sportsman, "but the birds seem
exceptionally strong on the wing this year."

"Not all of 'em, sir," was the answer. "You've shot at the same bird
about a dozen times. 'E's a-follerin' you about, sir."

"Following me about? Nonsense! Why should a bird do that?"

"Well, sir," came the reply. "I dunno, I'm sure, unless 'e's 'angin'
'round you for safety."

_An Inspiring Model_

Little Johnnie, having in his possession a couple of bantam hens,
which laid very small eggs, suddenly hit on a plan. Going the next
morning to the fowl-run, Johnnie's father was surprised to find an
ostrich egg tied to one of the beams, and above it a card, with the
words:

"Keep your eye on this and do your best."

_When the Honeymoon Began_

A minister in a Western town was called upon one afternoon to perform
the marriage ceremony between a negro couple--the negro preacher of
the town being absent from home.

After the ceremony the groom asked the price of the service.

"Oh, well," said the minister, "you can pay me whatever you think it
is worth to you."

The negro turned and silently looked his bride over from head to
foot, then, slowly rolling up the whites of his eyes, said:

"Lawd, sah, you has done