nched a ticket, "I am very sorry,
but you can't have your dog in this car. It is against the rules."

"I shall hold him in my lap all the way," she replied, "and he will
not disturb any one."

"That makes no difference," said the conductor. "Dogs must ride in
the baggage-car. I'll take and fasten him for you."

"Don't you touch my dog, sir," exclaimed the young lady excitedly.
"I will trust him to no one," and with indignant tread she marched to
the baggage-car, tied her dog and said: "Remember, please, I don't
want a soul here to touch my dog or untie him: you understand?"

The baggage crew said they did.

As the train approached her station the young lady, hailing the
conductor, asked: "Is my dog all right?"

"I don't know, miss," replied the conductor.

"Don't know?" she replied. "Why don't you know? It's your business
to know. You haven't touched him or untied him?"

"No; we didn't touch or untie him, and that's just it. You tied him
to a trunk checked for two stations back. The trunk had to be put
off, and so we threw the dog off with the trunk!"

_Not the Kind She Wanted_

"Which way, please, to the corset department?" she asked of the
floor-walker.

"Straight back, madam."

"No, not straight back," was the reply. "I want a straight front."

_His Last Request_

JUDGE (to prisoner just condemned to death): "You have the legal
right to express a last wish, and if it is possible it will be
granted,"

PRISONER (a barber): "I should like just once more to be allowed to
shave the District Attorney."

_Why He Really Wanted to Go_

"Would you mind if I went into the smoking-car, dear?" asked the
bridegroom in a tender voice.

"What! to smoke, sweetheart?" questioned the bride.

"Oh, dear, no," replied the young husband; "I want to experience the
agony of being away from you, so that the joy of my return will be
all the more intensified."

_No End to This Game for Two_

Said He: "It is sweeter to give than receive.
Of a whipping this doubtless is true,
But of kissing I cannot believe
It holds good, till I've tried it. Can you?"
Said She; "I don't know; let's each give and receive,
And so come to proof of the prop.
Now you give, and I'll take, and we'll leave
The one to decide who cries 'Stop!'"

_And This in Boston_!

A man who has just returned from Boston is "chortling" over a good
joke on that correct and literary city. He says th