but 'e's abed," replied Mrs. Stubbins, who had just
finished hanging a pair of recently-patched trousers on the
clothesline.

"How is it he didn't come to church on Sunday? You know we must have
our hearts in the right place."

"Lor', sir," retorted the faithful wife,"'is 'eart's all right. It's
'is trouziz!"

_One of Lincoln's Little Notes_

President Lincoln once wrote to General McClellan, when the latter
was in command of the army. General McClellan, as is well known,
conducted a waiting campaign, being so careful not to make any
mistakes that he made very little headway. President Lincoln sent
this brief but exceedingly pertinent letter:

"_My Dear McClellan_: If you don't want to use the army I should like
to borrow it for a while."

"Yours respectfully,
A. LINCOLN."

_Fair Play_

A group of drummers were trading yarns on the subject of hospitality,
says "Lippincott's Magazine," when one of them took up his parable
thus:

"I was down in Louisiana last month travelin' cross country when we
kinder got lost in a lonesome sort of road just about dark, and when
we saw a light ahead I tell you it looked first rate. We drove up to
the light, findin' 'twas a house, and when I hollered the man came
out and we asked him to take us in for the night. He looked at us
mighty hard, then said, 'Wall, I reckon I kin stand it if you kin.'

"So we unhitched, went in, and found 'twas only a two-room shanty and
just swarmin' with children. He had six from four to 'leven years
old, and as there didn't seem to be but one bed, me an' Stony was
wonderin' what in thunder would become of us.

"They gave us supper, and then the old woman put the two youngest
kids to bed. They went straight to sleep. Then she took those out,
laid them over in the corner, put the next two to bed, and so on.
After all the children were asleep on the floor the old folks went in
the other room and told us we could go to bed if we wanted to, and,
bein' powerful tired out, we did.

"Well, sir, the next morning when we woke up we was lying over in the
corner with the kids, and the old man and the old woman had the bedl"

_Cold Comfort That_

A country minister who lived quite a distance from his church was
overtaken on the way over one Sunday morning by a heavy shower. The
rain poured in torrents, and by the time he arrived at the church he
was almost drenched. Shaking the water from his hat and coat he
remarked: