_She Had Him That Time_

It was the same old story of a man who refused to tell his wife the
outcome of a business transaction in which, naturally, she took a deep
interest.

"No," he sneered, "I won't tell you. If I did you'd repeat it. You
women can never keep a secret."

"John," said the woman quietly, "have I ever told the secret about the
solitaire engagement ring you gave me eighteen years ago being paste?"

_Necessity: Not Choice_

A woman hurried up to a policeman at the corner of Twenty-third Street
in New York City.

"Does this crosstown car take you down to the Bridge toward Brooklyn?"
she demanded.

"Why, madam," returned the policeman, "do you want to go to Brooklyn?"

"No, I don't want to" the woman replied, "but I have to."

_Mr. Beecher's Prescription_

A country clergyman once called on Mr. Beecher and asked his advice
about what to do with persons who go to sleep in church.

"Well," said Mr. Beecher, "I'll tell you what I do. When I first came
to Plymouth Church I gave the sexton strict orders that if he saw any
person asleep in my congregation he should go straight to the pulpit
and wake up the minister."

_A Recipe for a Bridal Couple_

It was on a train going through Indiana. Among the passengers was a
newly-married couple, who made themselves known Co such an extent that
the occupants of the car commenced passing sarcastic remarks about
them. The bride and groom stood the remarks for some time, but
finally the latter, who was a man of tremendous size, broke out in the
following language at his tormentors: "Yes, we're married--just
married. We are going one hundred and sixty miles farther, and I am
going to 'spoon' all the way. If you don't like it you can get out
and walk. She's my violet and I'm her sheltering oak."

During the remainder of the journey they were left in peace.

_Both of the Same Kind_

A lady stepped from the Limited Express at a side station, on a
special stop order. To the only man in sight she asked:

"When is the train for Madison due here, please?"

"The train went an hour ago, ma'am: the next one is to-morrow at eight
o'clock."

The lady in perplexity then asked:

"Where is the nearest hotel?"

"There is no hotel here at all," replied the man.

"But what shall I do?" asked the lady. "Where shall I spend the
night?"

"I guess you'll have to stay all night with the station agent," was
the reply.

"Sir!" flashed