"

"Please, what's the price of them little pink parasols in your
show-window?"

_The Only Time When He Does_

A "Subscriber" once wrote to an editor and asked: "Please tell me,
does a man in running around a tree go before or behind himself?"

The editor answered:

"That depends. If he is trying to catch himself, necessarily he
follows himself, and consequently goes behind. If, on the contrary,
he is running away from himself, the deduction leads to the very
obvious conclusion that he precedes himself, and consequently goes
before. If he succeeds in catching up with himself, and passes
himself, at the moment of passing he neither precedes nor follows
himself, but both he and himself are running even. This is the only
case where he does not go before or behind himself."

_In the Absence of a Tip_

"Excuse me, madam, would you mind walking the other way and not
passing the horse?" said an English cabman with exaggerated politeness
to the fat lady who had just paid a minimum fare, with no fee.

"Why?" she inquired.

"Because if 'e sees wot 'e's been carrying for a shilling 'e'll 'ave a
fit," was the freezing answer.

_Her Father Didn't Like It_

A young man told his girl the other night that if she didn't marry him
he'd get a rope and hang himself right in front of her house. "Oh,
please, don't do it, dear," she said; "you know father doesn't want
you hanging around here."

_He Didn't Mind His Going Once_

An elderly gentleman, a stranger in New York and not sure of his way,
stopped a young man on Fifth Avenue and said:

"Young man, I would like very much to go to Central Park."

The young man became thoughtful for a moment, and then, looking the
old gentleman in the face, said:

"Well, I don't mind your going just this once, but don't ever, ever
ask me to go there again."

_Never Again_

It was a pitiful mistake, an error sad and grim. I waited for the
railway train; the light was low and dim. It came at last, and from a
car there stepped a dainty dame, and, looking up and down the place,
she straight unto me came. "Oh, Jack!" she cried, "oh, dear old
Jack!" and kissed me as she spake; then looked again, and, frightened,
cried, "Oh, what a bad mistake!" I said, "Forgive me, maiden fair,
for I am not your Jack; and as regards the kiss you gave, I'll
straightway give it back." And since that night I've often stood upon
that platform dim, but only once in a man's whole