"Gentlemen, before we begin to operate, if you will hold the
patient's hands and feet I'll get that four cents out of his
right-hand pocket."

_The Feminine Point of View_

The Willoughbys had said good-by to Mrs. Kent. Then Mr. Willoughby
spoke thoughtfully:

"It was pleasant of her to say that about wishing she could see more
of people like us, who are interested in real things, instead of the
foolish round of gayety that takes up so much of her time and gives
her so little satisfaction, wasn't it?"

His wife stole a sidewise glance at his gratified face, and a
satirical smile crossed her own countenance.

"Very pleasant, George," she said clearly. "But what I knew she
meant, and what she knew that I knew she meant, was that my
walking-skirt is an inch too long and my sleeves are old style, and
your coat, poor dear, is beginning to look shiny in the back."

"Why--what--how----" began Mr. Willoughby helplessly; then he shook
his head and gave it up.

_He Had Faith in the Doctor_

A young English laborer went to the register's office to record his
father's death. The register asked the date of death.

"Well, father ain't dead yet," was the reply; "but he will be dead
before morning, and I thought it would save me another trip if you
would put it down now."

"Oh, that won't do at all," said the register. "Why, your father may
be well before morning."

"Ah, no, he won't," said the young laborer. "Our doctor says he
won't, and he knows what he's given father."

_What He Used the Milk For_

A clergyman had been for some time displeased with the quality of milk
served him. At length he determined to remonstrate with his milkman
for supplying such weak stuff. He began mildly:

"I've been wanting to see you in regard to the quality of milk with
which you are serving me."

"Yes, sir," uneasily answered the tradesman.

"I only wanted to say," continued the minister, "that I use the milk
for drinking purposes exclusively, and not for christening."

_Nothing if Not Polite_

An interested visitor who was making the final call in the tenement
district, rising, said:

"Well, my good woman, I must go now. Is there anything I can do for
you?"

"No, thank ye, mem," replied the submerged one. "Ye mustn't mind it
if I don't return the call, will ye? I haven't any time to go slummm'
meself."

_Her Little Game_

As a married couple were walking down one of the main thoroughfares o