pers than any young feller thar, it jist looked as if all the
ladies wanted to dance with me. One lady wanted to know if I danced the
german, but I told her I only danced in English.

Wall after that we had something to eat in the dinin' room, and I hadn't
any more'n got sot down and got to eatin right good, when that durn fool
with the knee britches on insulted me, he handed me a little wash bowl
with a towel round it, and I told him he needn't cast any insinuations
at me, cause I washed my hands afore I cum in. If it hadn't a bin in
Henry's house I'd took a wrestle out of him. Wall they had a lot of
furrin dishes, sumthin what they called beef all over mud, and another
what they called a-charlotte russia-a little shavin' mug made out of
cake and full of sweetened lather, wall that was mighty good eatin',
though it took a lot of them, they wasn't very fillin'. Then they handed
me somethin' what they called ice cream, looked to me like a hunk of
casteel soap, wall I stuck my fork in it and tried to bite it, and it
slipped off and got inside my vest, and in less than a minnit I wuz
froze from my chin to my toes. I guess I cut a caper at Henry's house.

Uncle Josh in a Chinese Laundry

I S'POSE I got tangled up the other day with the dogondest lookin'
critter I calculate I ever seen in all my born days, and I've bin around
purty considerable. I'd seen all sorts of cooriosoties and monstrosities
in cirkuses and meenagerys, but that wuz the fust time I'd ever seen
a critter with his head and tail on the same end. You see I sed to a
feller, now whar abouts in New York do you folks git your washin' done;
when I left hum to come down here I lowed I had enuff with me to do
me, but I've stayed here a little longer than I calculated to, and if I
don't git some washin' done purty soon, I'll have to go and jump in the
river.

Wall he wuz a bligin sort of a feller, and he told me thar wuz a place
round the corner whar a feller done all the washin', so I went round,
and there was a sine on the winder what sed Hop Quick, or Hop Soon, or
jump up and hop, or some other kind of a durned hop; and then thar wuz
a lot of figers on the winder that I couldn't make head nor tail on; it
jist looked to me like a chicken with mud on its feet had walked over
that winder.

Wall I went in to see bout gittin' my washin' done, and gosh all spruce
gum, thar was one of them pig tailed heathen Chineeze, he jist looked
fer all the world like a