g?" He sed: "Wall, sir, that's a Fifth Avenoo 'bus." I
sed: "Wall, now, I want to know, kin I ride on it?" And he sed: "You kin
if you've got a nickel." Wall, I got in and sot down, and I jist about
busted my buttins a laffin' at things what happened in that 'bus. Thar
wuz a young lady cum in and sot down, and she had a little valise in
her hand, 'bout a foot squar. Wall, she opened the valise and took out
a purse and shet the valise, then she opened the purse and took out a
dime, and shet the purse, opened the valise and put in the purse, and
shet the valise, then she handed the dime to a feller sottin' out on the
front of the 'bus, and he give her a nickel back. Then she opened the
valise and took out the purse, shet the valise and opened the purse and
put in the nickel and shet the purse, opened the valise and put in the
purse and shet the valise, then sed, "Stop the bus, please." Wall, I had
to snicker right out, though I done my best not to, but I jist couldn't
help it. I didn't have any small change so I handed the feller a
five-dollar bill. Wall, that feller jist sot and looked at it fer a
spell, then he sed "whoa!" stopped the hosses, cum round to the hind end
of the 'bus and he sed: "Who give me that five-dollar bill?" I sed: "I
did, and it was a good one, too." He sed: "Wall, you cum out here, I
want to see you." Wall, I didn't know what he wanted, but I jist made up
my mind if he indulged in any foolishness with me I'd flop him in about
a minnit. Wall, I got out thar, and he sed: "Now look here, honest
injun, did you give me that five-dollar bill?" I sed: "Yes, sir, that's
jist what I done," and he sed, "Wall, now, which one of the hosses do
you want?" Gosh, I don't believe I'd gin him five dollars fer the whole
durned outfit.

Ambition--Somethin' that has made one man a senator, and
another man a convict.--Punkin Centre Philosophy

Uncle Josh in a Department Store

ONE day while I wuz in New York I sed to a feller, now whar kin I find
one of them stores whar they hav purty near everything to sell what
thar is on earth, and he sed "I guess you mean a department store, don't
you?" I sed, wall I don't know bout that; they may sell departments
at one of them stores, but what I want to git is some muzlin and some
caliker. Wall he showed me which way to go, and I started out, and
wuz walkin' along down the street lookin' at things, when some feller
throwed a bananer peelin' on the sidewalk. Wal