The unveilin' of the organ.

In order fer to git it
We'd bin savin' here and there,
Lookin' forward to the time
When we'd have music fer to spare,
And as the time it had arrived,
And the organ had cum, too,
We had all of us assembled thar
To hear what the thing could do.

Wall, it wuz a gorgeous instrument,
In a handsome walnut case,
And thar wuz expectation
Pictured out on every face;
Then when Deacon Witherspoon
Had led us all in prayer,
The congregation all stood up
And Old Hundred rent the air.

Jist then the doin's took a turn,
Though I'm ashamed to say it,
We found that old Jim Lawson
Wuz the only one could play it;
But Jim, the poor old feller,
Had one besettin' sin,
A fondness fer hard cider
Which he'd bin indulgin' in.

But he sot down at that organ,
Planked his feet upon the pedals,
And he showed us he could play it
Though he hadn't any medals;
He dwelt upon the treble
And he flirted with the base,
He almost made that organ
Jump right out of its case.

Wall, the cider got in old Jim's head
And in his fingers, too,
So he played some dancin' music
And old Yankee Doodle Doo;
He shocked old Deacon Witherspoon
And scared poor Sister Morgan,
And jist busted up the meetin'
At the unveilin' of the organ.

Uncle Josh Plays a Game of Base Ball

I HAD heered a whole lot 'bout them games of foot ball they have in New
York, so while I was thar I jist cum to the conclusion I'd see a game of
it, so went out to one of their city pasters to see a game of foot ball.
Wall now I must say I didn't see much ball playin' of any kind. All I
got to see wuz about fifty or sixty ambulances, and I think about that
many surgons and phisicians. Wall, from what I could see of the game
I calculate they needed all of them. I saw one feller and 'bout fifty
others had him down, and it jist looked as though they wuz all trying
to get a kick at him. They had a half back and a quarter back; I suppose
when they got through with that feller he wuz a hump back. Anyhow, if
that's what they call foot ball playin', your Uncle Josh don't want any
foot ball in his'n.

I never played but one game of ball