at all. Wall,
one mornin' Ezra saw a lot of fellers down in the medder most uncommonly
busy like; so he went down to them and he sed, "Wat be you a-doin'
down here?" And they sed, "Wall, Mr. Hoskins, we're surveyin' fer the
railroad." And Ezra sed, "So we're goin' to hav a railroad, be we? Is it
goin' right through here?" And they sed, "Yes, Mr. Hoskins, that's whar
it's a-goin', right through here." Ezra sed, "Wall, I s'pose you'll have
a right smart of ploughin' and diggin', and you'll jist about plow up
my medder field, won't ye?" They sed, "Yes, Mr. Hoskins, we'll hav to do
some gradin'." Ezra sed, "Wall, now, let me see, is it a-goin' jist
the way you've got that instrument p'inted?" They sed, "Yes, sir, jist
thar." And Ezra sed, "Wall, near as I kin calculate from that, I
should jedge it wuz a-goin' right through my barn." They sed, "Yes, Mr.
Hoskins, we're sorry, but the railroad is a-goin' right through your
barn."

Wall, Ezra didn't say much fer quite a spell, and we all expected thar
would be trouble; but finally he sed, "Wall, I s'pose the community of
Punkin Centre needs a railroad and I hadn't oughter offer any objections
to its goin' through, but I'm goin' to tell ye one thing right now,
afore you go any further. When you git it bilt and a-runnin', you've
got to git a man to cum down here and take keer on it, cos it's a-cumin'
along hayin' and harvestin' time, and I'll be too durned busy to run
down here and open and shet them barn doors every time one of your pesky
old trains wants to go through."

Love--An indescribable longing, something that existed since
Mother Eve was in the apple trust, and will exist until the
end of time. Somethin' that no man has ever yet defined or
ever will define. A somethin' that is past all description.
Which will make a hired man fergit to do the chores, and
will make an old man act boyish, and will make a woman show
herself to be stronger than the strongest man. Gosh durn it,
an indescribable somethin' that has never yet bin described.
--Punkin Centre Philosophy.

Uncle Josh on a Bicycle

A LONG last summer Ruben Hoskins, that is Ezra Hoskins' boy, he cum home
from college and bro't one of them new fangled bisickle masheens hum
with him, and I think ever since that time the whole town of Punkin
Centre has got the bisickle fever. Old Deacon Witherspoon he's bin
a-ridin' a bisickle to Sunday school, and Jim Lawson he