m sed: "Oh, I don't know; that's jist owin'
to how you look at it. I never caught up to that blamed markit, but I
had the society of the hogs fer two weeks."

Uncle Josh and the Lightning Rod Agent

WALL I s'pose I git buncode offener than any feller what ever lived in
Punkin Centre. A short time ago we wanted to build a new town hall, and
calculated we'd have a brick building; and some one sed, "Wall now, if
you'll jist wait 'til Josh Weathersby makes another trip or two down to
New York thar'll be gold bricks enuff a-layin' 'round Punkin Centre to
build a new town hall."

Wall, one day last summer I wuz a sottin' out on my back porch, when
along cum one of them thar lightning rod agents. Wall, he jist cum right
up and commenced a-talkin' at me jist as if he'd bin the town marshal
or a tax assessor, or like he'd known me all his life. He sed, "My dear
sir, I am astonished at you. I've looked over your entire premises and
I find you haven't got a lightning rod on any buildin' that you possess.
Why, my dear sir, don't you know you are flyin' right in the face of
Providence? Don't you know that lightning may strike at any time and
demolish everything within the sound of my voice? Don't you know you are
criminally negligent? Why, my dear sir, I am astonished to think that a
man of your jedgment and good common sense should allow yourself to----"
Wall, about that time I'd got my breath and wits at the same time, and I
sed, "Now hold on, gosh durn ye, what hav ye got to sell anyhow?" Wall,
he told me he had some lightnin' rods, and he brought out a little
masheen and told me to take hold of the handles and he'd show me what a
powerful thing 'lectricity wuz. Wall, I took hold of them handles and he
turned on a crank, and that durned masheen jist made me dance all over
the porch, and it wouldn't let go. Gee whiz, I felt as though I'd fell
in a yeller jacket's nest, and about four thousand of 'em wuz a stingin'
me all to onct. Wall, I told him I guessed he could put up a lightning
rod or two, seein' as how I didn't hav any. Wall, he went to work and
I went over to Ezra Hoskins', and when I got back home my place wuz a
sight to behold; it looked like a harrer turned upside down. Thar wuz
seven lightning rods on the barn, one on the hen house, one on the corn
crib, one on the smoke house, two on the granery, three on the kitchen,
six on my house, and one on the crab apple tree, and when I got thar
that durned fool had the