er fer mother.

But trouble's a blessing sometimes in disguise

Fer I larned right thar on the spot,

That the best sort of knowledge to hav in this world

Is that by experience taught.

So though many years have since passed away,

And I've ventured on various routes,

I'm still tryin' things jist as risky today

As my fust pair of copper toed boots.

Uncle Josh in Police Court

I NEVER wuz in a town in my life what had as many cort houses in it as
New York has got. It jist seemed to me like every judge in New York had
a cort house of his own, and most of them cort houses seemed to be along
side of some markit house. Thar wuz the Jefferson Markit Cort, and the
Essicks Markit Cort, and several other corts and markits, and markits
and corts, I can't remember now. Wall, I used to be Jestice of the Peece
down home at Punkin Center, and I wuz a little anxious to see how they
handled law and jestice in New York City, so one mornin' I went down to
one of them cort houses, and thar wuz more different kinds of
people in thar than I ever seen afore. Thar wuz all kinds of
nationalitys--Norweegans, Germans, Sweeds, Hebrews, and Skandynavians,
Irish and colored folks, old and young, dirty and clean, good, bad and
worse. The Judge, he wuz a sottin' up on the bench, and a sayin,: "Ten
days; ten dollars; Geery society; foundlin' asylum; case dismissed;
bring in the next prisoner," and the Lord only knows what else. Wall,
some of the cases they tried in that cort house made me snicker right
out loud. They brought in a little Irish feller, and the Judge sed:
"Prisoner, what is your name?" And the little Irish feller sed: "Judge,
your honor, my name is McGiness, Patrick McGiness." And the Judge sed:
"Mr. McGiness, what is your occupation?" And the little Irish feller
sed: "Judge, your honor, I am a sailor." The Judge sed: "Mr. McGiness,
you don't look to me as though you ever saw a ship in all your life."
And the little Irish feller sed: "Wall Judge, your honor, if I never saw
a ship in me life, do you think I cum over from Ireland in a wagon?" The
Judge sed: "Case dismissed. Bring in the next prisoner."

Wall, the next prisoner what they brought in had sort of an impediment
in his talk, and the way he stuttered jist beat all. The Judge sed:
"Prisoner, what is your name?" And the prisoner sed: "Jd-Jd-J-J-Judge,
yr-yr-yo-yo-your h-h-h-hon-hon-honor, m-mm-my-my n-n-na-na-name
is-is