-is----." The Judge sed: "Never mind, that will do. Officer, what
is this prisoner charged with?" And the officer sed: "Judge, your honor,
the way he talks sounds to me like he might be charged with sody water."
Gosh, I got to laffin' so I had to git right out of the cort house.

It sort of made me think of a law soot we had down hum when Jim Lawson
wuz Jestice of the Peece. You see it wuz like this: One spring Si
Pettingill wuz goin' out to Mizoori to be gone 'bout a year, and he'd
sold off 'bout all his things 'cept one cow, and he didn't want to part
with the cow, 'cause she wuz a mighty good milker, so he struck a bargin
with Lige Willet. Lige wuz to keep the cow, paster and feed her, and
generally take keer on her fer the milk she giv. Wall, finally Si cum
hum, and he went to Lige's place one day and sed: "Wall, Lige, I've cum
over to git my cow." And Lige sed: "Cum after your cow? Wall, if you've
got any cow round here I'll be durned if I know it." Si sed: "Wall,
Lige, I left my cow with you." And Lige sed: "Wall, that's a year ago,
and she's et her head off two or three times since then." So Si sed:
"Wall, Lige, you've had her milk fer her keep." And Lige sed: "Milk be
durned, she went dry three weeks after you left, and she ain't give any
milk since, and near as I can figger it out, seems to me as how I've
pestered her and fed her all this time, she's my cow." Si sed: "No,
Lige, that wa'nt the bargin." But Lige sed: "Bargin or no bargin, I've
got her, and seein' as how posession is 'bout nine points in the law,
I'm goin' to keep her."

So they went to law about it, and all Punkin Centre turned out to heer
the trial. Wall, after Jim Lawson had heered both sides of the case, he
sed: "The Cort is compelled, from the evidence sot forth in this case,
to find for the plaintiff, the aforesaid Silas Pettingill, as agin' the
defendant, the aforesaid Elijah Willet. We find from the evidence sot
forth that the cow critter in question is a valuable critter, and wuth
more 'n a year's paster and keep, and, tharfore, it is the verdict of
this cort that the aforesaid defendant, Elijah Willet, shall keep the
cow two weeks longer, and then she is hisn."

Uncle Josh at Coney Island

I'D heerd tell a whole lot at various times 'bout that place what they
call Coney Iland, and while I wuz down In New York, I jist made up my
mind I wuz a goin' to see it, so one day I got on one of them keers
what goes across the Brooklyn brid