y of
my business, and I sort of felt uneasy like; but none of the rest of
the folks seemed to mind it any, so I calculated I'd see how it cum out,
though my hands sort of itched to get hold of one feller, 'cause I could
see if he would jest go 'way and tend to his own business thar wouldn't
be any quarrel. Wall, jest then a young feller handed me a piece of
paper what told all about the theater doin's, and I got to lookin' at
that and I noticed on it whar it sed thar wuz five years took place
'tween the fust part and the second part. I knowed durned well I
wouldn't have time to wait and see the second part, so I got up and went
out. Wall, them theater doin's jest put me in mind of somethin' what
happened down hum on the last day of school. You see the school teacher
got all the big boys and the big girls, and the boys they read essays
and the girls recited poetry. One of the Skinner girls recited a piece
that sooted me fust rate. Neer as I kin remember it went somethin' like
this:

How nice to hear the bumble-bee
When you go out a fishin',
But if you happen to sot down on him,
He'll spoil your disposition.

I liked that; thar wuz somethin' so touchin' about it. Then the school
teacher he got all the girls in the 'stronomy class and he dressed
them up to represent the different kinds of planits. He had one girl to
represent the sun--she wuz red-headed; and another one to represent the
moon, and another one fer Mars, and another one fer Jerupetir, and it
looked mighty fine, and everythin' wuz a gettin' along fust rate 'til
old Jim Lawson 'lowed he could make an improvement on it; so he went out
and got a colord girl, and he wanted to sot her between the sun and the
moon and make an eklips. And as usual he busted up the whole doin's.

Uncle Josh at Delmonico's

I USED to hear the summer boarders tell a whole lot about a place here
in New York kept by Mr. Delmonico. Thar's bin about ten thousand summer
boarders down to Punkin Centre one time and another, and I guess I've
carried the bundles and stood the grumblin' from about all of them; and
when anyone of 'em would find fault with anythin' I used to ast him whar
he boarded at in New York, and they all told me at Mr. Delmonico's;
so I'd cum to the conclusion that Mr. Delmonico must hav a right smart
purty good sized tavern; and I sed to mother--now mother, when I git
down to New York that's whar I'm goin' to board, at Mr. Delmonico's