d her if she had kept her mouth shet she wouldn't
hav swallered so much of the pond.

Wall they had one place what they called the Middle Way Plesumps, and
another place what they called The Streets of Caro, and they had a lot
of shows a goin' on along thar. Wall I went into one of 'em and sot
down, and I guess if they hadn't of shet up the show I'd a bin sottin'
thar yet. I purty near busted my buttins a laffin'. They had a lot of
gals a dancin' some kind of a dance; I don't know what they called it,
but it sooted me fust rate. When I got home, the more I thought about it
the more I made up my mind I'd learn that dance. Wall I went out in the
corn field whar none of the neighbors could see me, and I'll be durned
if I didn't knock down about four akers of corn, but I never got that
dance right. I wuz the talk of the whole community; mother didn't speak
to me fer about a week, and Aunt Nancy Smith sed I wuz a burnin' shame
and a disgrace to the village, but I notice Nancy has asked me a good
many questions about jist how it was, and I wouldn't wonder if we didn't
find Nancy out in the cornfield one of these days.

Uncle Josh at the Opera

WALL, I sed to mother when I left hum, now mother, when I git down to
New York City I'm goin' to see a regular first-class theater. We never
had many theater doin's down our way. Wall, thar wuz a theater troop
cum to Punkin Centre along last summer, but we couldn't let 'em hav the
Opery House to show in 'cause it wuz summer time and the Opery House wuz
full of hay, and we couldn't let 'em hav it 'cause we hadn't any place
to put the hay. An then about a year and a half ago thar wuz a troop cum
along that wuz somethin' about Uncle Tom's home; they left a good many
of their things behind 'em when they went away. Ezra Hoskins he got one
of the mules, and he tried to hitch it up one day; Doctor says he thinks
Ezra will be around in about six weeks. I traded one of the dogs to
Ruben Hendricks fer a shot gun; Rube cum over t'other day, borrowed the
gun and shot the dog.

Wall, I got into one of your theaters here, got sot down and wuz lookin'
at it; and it wuz a mighty fine lookin' pictur with a lot of lights
shinin' on it, and I wuz enjoyin' it fust rate, when a lot of fellers
cum out with horns and fiddles, and they all started in to fiddlin' and
tootin', end all to once they pulled the theatre up, and thar wuz a lot
of folks having a regular family quarrel. I knowed that wasn't an