find out what ails him.

Uncle Josh on a Street Car

NOW I'll jist bet I had more fun to the squar inch while I wuz in New
York, than any old feller what ever broke out of a New England smoke
house. I had a little the durnd'st time a ridin' on them street cars
what they got thar. Wall I wa'nt a ridin' on 'emnear as much as I wuz
a runnin' after 'em tryin' to ketch 'em. Gosh, I wuz a runnin' after
street cars and fire ingines, and every durned thing with red wheels on
it, I calculate I run about a mile and a half after a feller one day
to tell him the water what he had in his wagon wuz all leakin' out, and
when I caught up to him I found out it wuz a durned old sprinklin' cart.

Wall I got on one of them street cars one day, and it wuz purty crowded,
and thar wa'nt any place fer me to sot down, so I had to hang onto one
of them little harness straps along side of the car. So I got holt of a
strap and I wuz hangin' on, when the conductor sed "old man, you'r goin'
to be in the road thar, you'd better move up a little further, wall I
moved up a little ways and I stepped on a feller's toe, and gee whiz, he
got madder'n a wet hen, he sed, 'can't you see whar you'r a steppin'?"
I sed, "guess I kin, but you brought them feet in here, and I've got to
step some whar." Wall every one begin to laff, and the conductor sed,
"old man you'r makin' too much trouble, you'll have to move for'ard
again," and I got off 'n the gosh durned old car; I paid him a nickel
to ride, but I guess I might as well have walked, I wuz a walkin' purty
much all the time I wuz in thar.

Wall I got onto another car, and I got sot down, and I never laffed so
much in all my life. Up in one end of the car thar wuz a little slim
lady, and right along side of her wuz a big fleshy lady, and it didn't
look as though the little slim lady wuz a gittin' more'n about two cents
and a half worth of room, so finally she turned round to the fleshy lady
and sed, "they ought to charge by weight on this line," and the big lady
sed "Wall if they did they wouldn't stop fer you." Gosh I had to snicker
right out loud.

Thar wuz a little boy a sottin' alongside of the big lady, and three
ladys got onto the car all to onct, and thar wa'nt any place fer 'em to
sot down, and so the big lady sed--"little boy, you'd oughter git up
and let one of them ladys sot down," and the little boy sed, "you git up
and they can all sot down." Wall by that time your uncle wuz a laffin'
ri