I SEEN a good many funny things when I wuz in New York, but I think some
of the sines what they've got on some of the bildins' are 'bout as funny
as anything I ever seen in my life.

I wuz walkin' down the street one day and I seen a sine, it sed "Quick
Lunch." Wall, I felt a little hungry, so I went into the resturant or
bordin' house, or whatever they call it, and they had some sines hangin'
on the walls in thar that jist about made me laff all over. I noticed
one sine sed "Put your trust in the Lord," and right under it wuz
another sine what sed "Try our mince pies." Wall, I tried one of them,
and I want to tell you right now, if you eat many of them mince pies you
want to put your trust in the Lord.

Wall, I got out of thar, and I walked along fer quite a spell, and
finally I cum to a store what had a lot of red, white and blue, and
yeller and purple lights in the winder. Wall, I stopped to look at it,
cos it wuz a purty thing, and they had a sine in that winder that jist
tickled me, it sed, "Frog in your throat 10C." I wouldn't put one of
them critters in my throat fer ten dollars.

Wall, jist a little further up the street I seen another sine what
sed "Boots blacked on the inside." Now, any feller what gits his boots
blacked on the inside ain't got much respect fer his socks. I git mine
blacked on the outside. Then I cum to a sine what had a lot of 'lectric
lights shinin' on it, and I could read it jist as plain as day; so I
happened to turn round and when I looked at that sine agin, it wa'nt
the same sine at all, and jist then it changed right in front of my very
eyes, and I cum to the conclooshun that some feller on the inside wuz
a turnin' on it jist to have fun with folks, so I cum away; but I had
a mighty good laff or two watchin' other folks git fooled, cos it would
turn fust one way and then the t'other, and 'fore you could make up your
mind what it wuz, the durned thing wouldn't be that at all.

A little further up the street I seen a sine what sed, "This is the
door." Now, any durned fool could see it wuz a door. And then I seen
another sine what sed "Walk in." Wall, now, I wunder how in thunder they
thought a feller wuz a goin' to cum in, on hoss back, or on a bisickle,
or how. And then I seen another sine, it wuz in a winder and had a lot
of tools around it, and the sine sed, "Cast iron sinks." Wall, now, any
durned fool what don't know that cast iron sinks, ought to have some one
feel his head and