l now I don't think much
of a man what throws a bananer peelin' on the sidewalk, and I don't
think much of a bananer what throws a man on the sidewalk, neether.
Wall, by chowder, my foot hit that bananer peelin' and I went up in the
air, and cum down ker-plunk, and fer about a minnit I seen all the stars
what stronomy tells about, and some that haint been discovered yit.
Wall jist as I wuz pickin' myself up a little boy cum runnin' cross the
street and he sed "Oh mister, won't you please do that agin, my mother
didn't see you do it." Wall I wish I could a got my hands on that little
rascal fer about a minnit, and his mother would a seen me do it.

I found one of them stores finally, and I got on the inside and told a
feller what I wanted, and he sent me over to a red-headed girl, and she
sent me over to a bald-headed feller; she sed he didn't have anythin' to
do only walk the floor and answer questions. Wall I went up to him and I
sed, mister I'm sort of a stranger round here, wish you'd show me round
'til I do a little bargainin'. And he sed "Oh you git out, you've got
hay seed in your hair." Wall I jist looked at that bald head of hisn,
and I sed, wall now, you haint got any hay seed in YOUR hair, hav you?
Everybody commenced a laffin', and he got purty riled, so he sed, smart
like, "jist step this way, please." Wall he showed me round and I bought
what I wanted, and when I cum to pay the feller what I had to pay,
it didn't look as though I wuz a goin' to git any of my money back. I
handed him a ten dollar bill, and he jist took it and put it in a
little baskit and hitched it onto a wire, and the durned thing commenced
runnin' all over the store. Wall now you can jist bet your boots I
lit out right after it; I chased it up one side and down the other, I
knocked down five or six wimmin clerks, and I upset five or six bargain
counters; I took a wrastle out of that bald-headed feller, and jist
then some one commenced to holler "CASH" and I sed yep, that's what I'm
after. Wall I chased that durned little baskit round 'til I got up to
it, and when I did I was right thar whar I started from. Gee whiz, I
never felt more foolish in all my life.

Prosperity--Consists principally of contentment; for the man
who is contented is prosperous, in his own way of thinking,
though his neighbors may have a different opinion.
--Punkin Centre Philosophy.

Uncle Josh's Comments on the Signs Seen in New York