l. Wall that place wuz jist chuck full of old-fashioned
cooriositys. I saw an old book thar, they sed it wuz five hundred years
old, and it belonged at one time to Loois the Seventeenth or Eighteenth,
or some of them old rascals; durned if I believe anybody could read it.

Wall I commenced a biddin' on different things, but it jist looked as
though everybody had more money than I did, and they sort of out-bid
me; but finally they put up an old-fashioned shugar bowl fer sale, and I
wanted to git that mighty bad, cos I thought as how mother would like it
fust rate. Wall I commenced a biddin' on it, and it wuz knocked down to
me fer three dollars and fifty cents I put my hand in my pockit to git
my pockit book to pay fer it, and by gosh it was gone. So I went up
to the feller what wuz a sellin' the things, and I sed--now look here
mister, will you jist wait a minnit with your "goin' at thirty make it
thirty-five, once, twice, three times a goin'", and he sed "wall now
what's the matter with you?" And I sed, there's matter enuff, by gosh;
when I cum in here I had a pockit book in my pockit, had fifty dollars
in it, and I lost it somewhars round here; I wish you'd say to the
feller what found it that I'll give five dollars fer it; another feller
sed "make it ten," another sed "give you twenty," and another sed "go
you twenty-five."

Durned if I know which one of 'em got it; when I left they wuz still a
biddin' on it.

Advice--Advice is somethin' the other feller can't use, so
he gives it to you.--Punkin Centre Philosophy.

Uncle Josh on a Fifth Ave. 'Bus

I WUZ always sort of fond of ridin', so I guess while I wuz down in New
York I rode on about everything they've got to ride on thar. I wuz on
hoss cars and hot air cars, and them sky light elevated roads. Wall, I
had jist about cum to the conclushun that every street in New York had
a different kind of a street car on it, but I found one that didn't
have care of any kind, I think they call it Avenoo Five. Wall, I wuz a
standin' thar one day a watchin' the people and things go by, when all
to onct along cum the durndest lookin' contraption I calculate I ever
seen in my life. It wuz a sort of a wagon, kind of a cross between a
band wagon and a hay rack, and it had a pair of stairs what commenced at
the hind end and rambled around all over the wagon. I sed to a gentleman
standin' thar: "Mr. in the name of all that's good and bad, what do you
call that thin