ed on the
knob at the same time, and jist then I think all the fire bells in New
York commenced to ringin' all to onct. Wall I looked round to see whar
the fire wuz, and a lot of fire ingines and hook and ladder wagons cum
a gallopin' up to whar I stood, and they had a big sody water bottle on
wheels, and it busted and squirted sody water all over me. Wall one of
them fire fellers, lookin' jist like I'd seen them in picters in Ezra
Hoskin's insurance papers, he cum up to me madder'n a hornet, and he sed
"what are you tryin' to do with that box?" So I told him I'd jist writ
a letter home, and I wuz a tryin' to mail it. He sed "why you durned
old green horn, you've called out the hull fire department of New York
City." Wall I guess you could have knocked me down with a feather. I
sed--wall you'r a purty healthy lookin' lot of fellers, it won't hurt
ye any to go back, will it? Wall he sed, "thars your letter box over on
thother corner, now you let this box alone." Wall they all drove away,
and I went over to the other box, but I didn't know whether to touch it
or not, I didn't know but maybe I'd call out the state legislater if
I opened it. Wall while I wuz a standin' thar a feller cum along and
looked all round, and when he thot thar wan't any body watchin' him, he
opened that box and commenced takin' the letters out. Wall I'd heered
a whole lot 'bout them post offis robbers, when I wuz post master down
home at Punkin Center, so jist arrested him right thar, I took him by
the nap of the neck and flopped him right down on the side walk, and sot
on him, I hollered--MURDER! PERLEES! and every other thing I could think
of, and a lot of constables and town marshalls cum a runnin' up, and
one of them sed "what are you holdin' this man fer?" and I told him I'd
caught him right in the act of robbin' the United States Post Offis, and
by gosh I arrested him. Wall they all commenced a laffin', and I found
out I'd arrested one of the post masters of New York City.

I lost mother's letter and she never did git it.

Uncle Josh in an Auction Room

I'D seen a good many funny things in New York at one time and another,
so the last day I wuz thar, I wuz a packin' up my traps, a gittin'
ready to go home, when I jist conclooded I'd go out and buy somethin' to
remember New York by.

Wall I wuz a walkin' along down the street when I cum to a place whar
they wuz auckshuneerin' off a lot of things. I stopped to see what
they had to sel