ig tail in tother, and Mr. Hop Soon, he wuz standin' thar yellin'--ung
wa moo ye song ki le yung noy song oowe pelecee, pelecee, pelecee. I had
quite a time with that heathen critter.

Uncle Josh in a Museum

WHEN I wuz in New York one day I wuz a walkin' along down the street
when I cum to a theater or play doins' of some kind or other, so I got
to lookin' at the picters, and I noticed whar it sed it only cost ten
cents to go in, and I alowed I might as well go in and see it. Wall I
don't spose I'd bin in thar over five minutes afore I made myself the
laffin' stock of every one in thar. I noticed a feller a sottin' thar
gittin' his boots blacked, and thar was a durned little pick pockit a
pickin' his pockits. Wall I didn't want to see him git robbed, so I went
right up to him and I sed--look out mister, you air gittin' your pockits
picked, wall sir, that durned cuss never sed a word and every body
commenced to laff, and I looked round to see what they wuz a laffin'
at, and it wan't no man at all, nothin' only a durned old wax figger.
I never felt so durned foolish since the day I popped the question to
Samantha. Wall then I looked round a spell longer, and thar wuz a feller
what they called the human pin cushion, and he wuz stuck chock full of
needles and pins and looked like a hedge hog; he'd be a mighty handy
feller at a quiltin'. Wall, then a feller cum along and sed, "everybody
over to this end of the hall." Wall, I went along with the rest of them,
and durn my buttins if thar wa'nt a feller what had more picters painted
on him than thar is in a story book. Wall, I'd jist got to lookin' at
him when that feller what had charge sed, "right this way everybody,"
and we all went into whar they wuz havin' the theater doins', and I got
sot down and a feller cum out and sung a song I hadn't heered since I
wuz a youngster. Neer as I kin remember it wuz this way--

Kind friends I hadn't had but one sleigh ride this year,
And I cum within one of not bein' here,
The facts I'll relate near as I kin remember,
It happened some time 'bout last December.
Li too ra loo ri too ra loo
ri too ra loo la ri do.

The load was composed of both girls and boys,
All tryin' to outdo the other in noise.
And the way that we guarded agin the cold weather
Wuz settin' all up spoon fashion together.
Li too ra loo ri too ra loo