ri too ra loo ri li do.

Wall, they had a parrit in that place and the way he sputtered and
jabbered and talked! He wuz a whole show all to himself. Wall, I bought
one of them birds from a feller one time--he said it wuz a good talker.
Wall, I took it hum and hed it about three months, and it never sed
a durned word. I put in most of my spare time tryin' to git it to say
"Uncle Josh," but the durned critter wouldn't do it, so I got mad at him
one day and throwed him out in the barn yard amongst the chickens, and
left him thar. Wall, when I went out the next mornin', I tell you thar
wuz a sight. Half of them chickens wuz dead, and the rest of 'em wuz
skeered to death, and that durned parrit had a rooster by the neck up
agin the barn, and jist a givin' him an awful whippin', and every time
he'd hit him he'd say, "Now you say Uncle Josh, gol durn you, you say
Uncle Josh."

Uncle Josh in Wall Street

I USED to read in our town paper down home at Punkin Centre a whole lot
about Wall street and them bulls and bears, and one thing and another,
so I jist sed to myself--now Joshua, when you git down to New York City,
that's jist what you want to see. Wall, when I got to New York, I got
a feller to show me whar it wuz, and I'll be durned if I know why they
call it Wall street; it didn't hav any wall round it. I walked up and
down it bout an hour and a half, and I couldn't find any stock exchange
or see any place fer watterin' any stock. I couldn't see a pig nor a
cow, nor a sheep nor a calf, or anything else that looked like stock
to me. So finally I sed to a gentleman--Mister, whar do they keep the
menagery down here. He sed "what menagery?" I sed the place whar they've
got all them bulls and bears a fitin'. Wall he looked at me as though he
thought I wuz crazy, and I guess he did, but he sed "you cum along with
me, guess I can show you what you want to see." Wall I went along with
him, and he took me up to some public institushun, near as I could make
out it wuz a loonytick asylem. Wall he took me into a room about two
akers and a half squar, and thar wuz about two thousand of the crazyest
men in thar I ever seen in all my life. The minnit I sot eyes on them I
knowed they wuz all crazy, and I'd hav to umer them if I got out of thar
alive. One feller wuz a standin' on the top of a table with a lot of
papers in his hand, and a yellin' like a Comanche injin, and all the
rest of them wuz tryin' to git at him. Fi