and he sed, b-b-b-be c-c-c b-b-be cause I
c-c-c-c-couldn't s-s-s-say w-w-w-whoa q-q-q-q-quick enough. Wall I hed a
great time with that feller, but I got here at last.

Uncle Josh in Society

WALL, I did'nt suppose when I cum down here to New York that I wuz a
goin to flop right into the middle of high toned society, but I guess
that's jist about what I done. You see I had an old friend a livin' down
here named Henry Higgins, and I wanted to see Henry mighty bad. Henry
and me, we wuz boys together down home at Punkin Centre, and I hadn't
seen him in a long time. Wall, I got a feller to look up his name in
the city almanac, and he showed me whar Henry lived, away up on a street
called avenue five. Wall when I seen Henry's house it jist about took
my breath away, I wuz that clar sot back. Henry's house is a good deal
bigger'n the court house at Punkin Centre. Wall at first I didn't know
whether to go in or not, but finally I mustered up my courage, and I
went up and rang some new fangled door bell, when a feller with knee
britches on cum out and wanted to know who it wuz I wanted to see. Gosh
I couldn't say anything fer about a minnit, that feller jist looked to
me like a picter I'd seen in a story book. Wall finally I told him I
wanted to see Henry Higgins, if it wuz the same Henry I used to know
down home at Punkin Centre. Wall I guess Henry he must a heered me
talkin', cause he jist cum out and grabbed me by both hands and sed,
"why Josh Weathersby, how do you do, cum right in." Wall he took me into
the house and introduced me to more wimmin folks than I ever seen
before in all my life at one time. I guess they were havin' some kind
of society doins at Henry's house, one old lady sed to me, "my dear Mr.
Weathersby, I am so pleased to meet you, I've heered Mr. Higgins speak
about you so often." Wall by chowder, I got to blushin' so it cum pretty
near settin' my hair on fire, but I sed, wall now I'm right glad to know
you, you kind-er put me in mind of old Nancy Smith down hum, and Nancy,
she's bin tryin' to git married past forty seasons that I kin remember
on. Wall Henry took me off into a room by myself, and when I got on my
store clothes and my new calf skin boots, I tell you I looked about as
scrimptious as any of them. Wall they had a dance, I think they called
it a cowtillion, and that wuz whar I wuz right to hum, I jist hopped
out on the floor, balanced to partners, swung on the corners, and cut
up more ca