erviewer of a colored centenarian.

"Becuz Ah was bo'n a long time back," the old gentleman replied.

MURIEL--"I don't intend to be married until after I'm thirty."

MABEL--"And I don't intend to be thirty until after I'm
married!"--_Life_.

My first gray hair!
I never knew that you were there,
Nor least expected you would come so soon--
But you are there;
From whence you came or where
I know not, but I care.

You make me stop and wonder
Why I find you there to-night,
Is it some worry or some fright
That leaves you colorless, and oh, so white?
You'll not be seen, oh, no, not yet.
On that your fondest curls you bet,
For just as long as you are there
I'll hide you very neatly--there!
And none will wonder--only I, at you--
My first gray hair.

--_Wells Hawks_.

One great advantage of really being old is that one is beyond being
told he is getting old.

_Twenty-One Plus_

FIRST SUFFRAGIST--"How old do you think Mabel is?"

SECOND SUFFRAGIST--"Well, I should say she had lost about seventeen
votes."

A maiden lady of uncertain age became very indignant when the census
taker asked how old she was. "Did you see the girls next door," she
asked--"The Hill twins?"

"Certainly," replied the census man.

"And did they tell you their age?"

"Yes."

"Well," she snapped, "I'm just as old as they are."

"Oh, very well," said the census man; and he wrote in his book, "Sarah
Stokes, as old as the Hills."

I remember, I remember,
The fir trees dark and high;
I used to think their slender tops
Were close against the sky;
It was a childish ignorance,
But now 'tis little joy
To know I'm farther off from heaven
Than when I was a boy.

PHYSICIAN--"Tell your wife not to worry about that slight deafness, as
it is merely an indication of advancing years."

MR. MEEK--"Doctor would you mind telling her yourself?"

"Ma, is Mr. Jones an awfully old man?"

"No, dear, I don't believe so. What makes you ask?"

"Well, I think he must be, because I heard Pa say last night that Mr.
Jones raised his ante."

AGRICULTURE

"Crop failures?" asked the old timer.

"Yes, I've seen a few in my day. In 1854 the corn crop was almost
nothing. We cooked some for dinner, and my father ate fourteen acres
of corn at one meal!"--_Life_.

_See also_ Farming; Laws.

ALARM CLOCKS

To-day I bought an alarm-clock,
It has a very loud r