lons of
gasoline."

An irate customer complained to her butcher about finding pieces of
rubber in the sausage meat and demanded an explanation. The butcher
said, "It is only another proof of how the automobile is taking the
place of the horse."

"Hello, old top. New car?"

"No! Old car, new top."

A farmer was recently arguing with a French chauffeur, who had
slackened up at an inn, regarding the merits of the horse and the
motor-car.

"Give me a 'orse," remarked the farmer; "them traveling oil-shops is
too uncertain fer my likin'."

"Eet is prejudice, my friend." the chauffeur replied; "you Engleesh
are behind ze times; you will think deefairent some day."

"Behind the times be blowed!" came the retort; "p'r'aps nex' time the
Proosians are round Paris and you have to git your dinner off a steak
from the 'ind wheel of a motor-car, you Frenshmen'll wish you wasn't
so bloomin' well up-to-date!"

"What does autosuggestion mean?" asked Pringle.

"That's when your wife begins to figure out how much you would save in
car-fare, and all that, if you had your own machine," replied Teggard,
who had been worked just that way.

An automobile show is a place to which car owners go to hear the
exhibitors confirm their judgment.

"I've stopped riding horseback and got a second-hand car."

"Need more exercise?"

"I suppose you think I'm foolish enough to buy that broken-down old
automobile!"

"Broken-down nothing! With the exception of a busted drive-shaft,
a cracked crank-case, a loose steering-wheel, a bum battery, a
dilapidated differential and faulty ignition, it is just as good as
new. Outside of buying four sets of tires, three new springs, a new
top, two rear axles, a couple of batteries, having the valves ground
sixteen times, the clutch tightened every week and the self-starter
repaired now and then, I have never spent one cent for repairs.
The old boat hasn't been run a mile over one hundred thousand, will
average fourteen gallons to the mile, and absolutely will not exceed
twenty-five miles an hour. It has an extra-fine new coat of paint,
and is fully equipped with a hand pump and switch-key. Because of the
difficulty in shifting gears, I absolutely guarantee your wife will
never be able to drive it, and--"

"Never mind the rest. I'll take it!"

"I thought you owned an automobile."

"I do, but I taught the wife to drive it, and now I'm back to the
street-cars."

"Say, Rastus, I do