ng."

A motorist had been haled into court, and when his name was called the
judge asked what the charges were against the prisoner.

"Suspicious actions, your Honor," answered the policeman who had made
the arrest.

"Suspicious actions?" queried his Honor "What was he doing that seemed
suspicious?"

"Well," replied the officer, "he was running within the speed limit,
sounding his horn properly, and trying to keep on the right side of
the street, so I arrested him."

"What kind of a time is he having on his motor-trip?"

"Guess he's having a pretty lively time. He sent me a picture
post-card of a hospital."

A tourist was just emerging from a corn-field by the roadside, bearing
in his arms a dozen handsome roasting ears. A second car approached
and stopped, whereon the tourist reached for his pocketbook and asked
in an embarrassed manner, "How much?"

"One dollar," said the newcomer, and then, after receiving payment,
remarked, "This is a fine field of corn. Wonder who it belongs to?"

AUTOMOBILES AND AUTOMOBILING

"Has this car got a speedometer?" asked an old gentleman to the
auctioneer, at one of the Disposal Board sales. The auctioneer
was equal to the occasion and replied: "At thirty miles an hour it
exhibits a white flag, at forty miles a red flag, and at fifty miles
a gramophone begins to play, 'I'm going to be an angel, and with the
angels dwell'"

"Remember, son, Garfield drove mules on a tow-path and Lincoln split
rails."

"I know, dad; but say, did any of these Presidents ever crank a cold
motor in a blizzard for half an hour before he discovered that he
didn't have any gasoline?"

The time to buy a used car is just before you move, so people in the
new neighborhood will think you were the one who used it.

"I understand that you have a new motor-car."

"Yes."

"Do you drive it yourself?"

"Nobody drives it. We coax it."

"We deny ourselves much. I am saving to build a house."

"Is your wife cheerful about it?"

"Oh, yes. She thinks we're saving for an automobile."

SHE--"Tell me, is an F.O.B. Detroit a reliable car?"

"I have never owned any automobiles," said the man who hadn't yet paid
for his home, "but I can say one thing in praise of them."

"What is that?" inquired Henderson.

"They have made mortgages respectable."--_Judge_.

"I see Smith is building a garage. When did he get a car?"

"He hasn't got one yet, but he's got an option on ten gal