nk of the animals?" inquired Uncle Ben.

After a critical inspection of the exhibit the boy replied: "I think
the kangaroo and the elephant should change tails."

ANTICIPATION

"Mr. Blinks," said she, "do you think that anticipation is greater
than realization?"

"Well," replied Mr. Blinks, "anticipation is broader and higher, but
realization is longer and flatter."

ANTIQUES

"Gee, whiz! Isn't that Smithson who just went by in his automobile?
When I knew him a few years ago he had a junk-shop."

"He still has. Only he moved in to a fashionable street and labeled
the same stock 'Antiques.'"

CUSTOMER--"What! Five hundred dollars for that antique? Why, I priced
it last week and you said three hundred and fifty."

DEALER--"Yes, I know; but the cost of labor and materials has gone up
so!"

AD WRITER--"When do you want me to prepare that copy for the sale of
antiques you have been planning?"

BOSS--"We'll have to hold back on those awhile. The wormhole borers
are on strike in Grand Rapids."

APARTMENTS

MR. LONGSUFFER--"Say, janitor, it's down to zero in my flat."

JANITOR--"Down to zero, is it? That's nothing."

_Necessarily So_

"I wonder if they take children in these apartments."

"They must. Some of the rooms aren't big enough for a grown person."

"How do the Joneses seem to like their little two-room kitchenette
apartment?"

"Oh, they have no room for complaint!"--_Judge_.

APPEARANCES

A man's appearance indicates how his business is prospering, and his
wife's appearance shows how much he is spending.

In civilized society external advantages make us more respected. A man
with a good coat upon his back meets with a better reception than he
who has a bad one. You may analyze this and say, what is there in
it? But that will avail you nothing, for it is a part of a general
system.--_Johnson_.

A miser grows rich by seeming poor; an extravagant man grows poor by
seeming rich.--_Shenstone_.

Polished brass will pass upon more people than rough gold.
--_Chesterfield_.

In all professions every one affects a particular look and exterior,
in order to appear what he wishes to be thought; so that it may be
said the world's made up of appearances.--_La Rochefoucauld_.

APPETITE

"Josh," said Farmer Corntossel to his son, "I wish, if you don't mind,
you'd eat off to yourself instead of with the summer boarders."

"Isn't my society goo