always under protest, as it
were--as the only available form of sexual satisfaction; while
now I resigned myself to it as all that there was to hope for in
that field. Of course I knew that a little effort or a little
money would procure natural satisfaction of my sexual needs, but
I also knew that I would never, under any ordinary circumstances,
put forth the necessary effort, and fear of venereal disease has
been more than enough to keep me away from houses of
prostitution.

Some months ago I refrained from masturbation for a period of
about six weeks and watched carefully for any change in my health
or spirits, but noticed none at all. The only impulse to
masturbate was occasioned by fits of restlessness accompanied by
erections and a mildly pleasurable feeling of fullness in the
penis and scrotum. I think that over 75 per cent, of my acts of
masturbation are provoked by these fits of restlessness and are
unaccompanied by fancy images, erotic thoughts, lustful desires,
or marked pleasure. At other times the act is occasioned by
erotic thoughts and images, and is accompanied by a considerable
degree of lustful pleasure which, however, is never so intense as
in my earlier experiences and has steadily decreased from the
first. Usually the orgasm is accompanied by a strong contraction
of all the voluntary muscles, particularly the extensors,
followed by a slight giddiness and slight feeling of exhaustion.
If repeated several times in the course of a single day the acts
are followed by dullness and lassitude; otherwise the feeling of
exhaustion passes away quickly and a sense of relief and quiet
takes its place. So natural or rather habitual has this resort
to masturbation as a means of relief from nervousness and
restlessness become that the act is almost instinctive in its
unconsciousness.

I am extremely sensitive to all kinds of sexual influences, and
have an insatiable curiosity regarding everything that pertains
to the sexual life of men or women. I am not, however, excited
sexually by conversation about sexual facts and relationships, no
matter what its nature, though in reading erotic literature my
excitement is often intense.

The tendency to day dream has never left me, but there are no
longer any elaborate scenes or long-continued "stories," these
havi